Timely Halloween Costume Ideas for 2022

Oh my dæmon, it’s almost Halloween. And oh no — you haven’t even begun to think of a costume! Luckily, in this fast-paced world, you’re better off coming up with your costume in the days, or minutes, before you set off to your Halloween party anyway. Imagine your embarrassment if, for example, you showed up to a party as “friendless Tom Brady,” when in fact, as we recently learned, the football player has one friend. Talk about a “fumble.”

But what should you be? Luckily for you, the crew at Gawker has been working tirelessly for at least 30 minutes this afternoon to think of a set of timely pop culture Halloween costumes that might trigger a familiar “oh yeah!” from your beloved Halloween friends. Idealess celebrants, fear not — your Halloween costume situation has been handled (by this post). All you have left to do is choose.

The Queen’s Ghost Stick

Ah, remember her? Our dearly departed Queen’s stick, which has no doubt joined the royal in everlasting life. For this all you need is brown construction paper and a halo. Cover yourself in the brown construction paper (more at the top so it’s bigger, fading into a skinny stick bottom at your feet) and then make a halo (coat hanger and yellow construction paper?) and put it on your head. OooOooohh, you’re a ghoOOoost stick.

Jason Sudeikis Lying Underneath Olivia Wilde’s Car to Prevent Her From Bringing Salad Dressing to Harry Styles

Obviously the trendy costume will be “Olivia Wilde’s salad dressing,” so you’re thinking one step ahead — you’re Jason Sudeikis lying underneath Olivia Wilde’s car to prevent her from bringing that salad dressing to Harry Styles. For this, you’re going to have to build a car out of cardboard boxes and suspend it over your body via a harness and PVC pipe. Then you’re going to have to create for yourself one of those costumes where the trick of the costume is that it looks like the fake body attached to the costume is your actual body, and in this costume the fake body is Ted Lasso. Are you following? I’m not going to explain it again.

Ned (the Try Guy)

This is just like, ugly shirt and pants. Or you could do like this all-black Spandex suit and be Ned after they cut him out of the videos. “I’m Ned,” you could say. “Remember?”

The TikTok Emu Influencer With Bird Flu (or Whatever)

I don’t actually know what the story is with this, but I imagine you can just dress as an ostrich. If you tell people you’re that thing about the emu influencer, they’ll be like, “Oh right, yeah. I think I heard about that.”

The Father of Kaley Cuoco’s Future Child

You just need normal man clothes and then on your face you draw a question mark, like who? Who is this guy?

Kinky PM Lettuce

‘Memba her? For this one I’d suggest one of those body bubble balls, a lot of green tissue paper, and a BDSM day collar.

The Bros Marketing Campaign

I think you could get creative here, like maybe you’re a billboard with the words “SEEING BROS — THE FIRST GAY ROMANTIC COMEDY FROM A MAJOR STUDIO — IS YOUR DUTY AS AN ANTI-HOMOPHOBE. THAT IS … UNLESS YOU’RE NOT AN ANTI-HOMOPHOBE …” and then on the back it’s Billy Eichner doing a “tsk, tsk” face. Or you could be this tweet:

James Corden Being Unable to Enter Balthazar

Like the “Jason Sudeikis lying underneath Olivia Wilde’s car to prevent her from bringing that salad dressing to Harry Styles” costume, you’ll need a lot of cardboard and PVC pipe for this one. Maybe even some clear plexiglass sheets. (Construct Balthazar out of cardboard, put plexiglass around it, position PVC pipe so that “Balthazar” is both fastened to you and just out of your reach; you wear a James Corden face mask.)

The Meta Legs

Actually don’t be this.

Tárlor Swift

God … now that I type it, it seems obvious to me that people might actually be Tárlor Swift. I guess it’s like, conductor outfit and a scarf.