They Made the Green M&M a Dumpy Slut
We used to be a real country
Today, the Mars Wrigley company rolled out a sterile, bone-dry rebrand of those sentient, sexy, candy-shelled roly-polys we like to call M&Ms. Notably, the hot green one is no longer wearing go-go boots, and the brown one has a lower heel. Anton Vincent, the president of Mars Wrigley North America told CNN that tamping down the sexuality of our most beloved screen sirens by giving them more sensible footwear is “a subtle cue, but it’s a cue nonetheless” that M&Ms are feminism, that they are geopolitics, that they are egalitarianism, and that they are corporate ladder climbing.
Am I hearing this right, or are my feminine ear canals stuffed with holiday M&Ms because I shoved them in there because it seemed satisfying and now I can’t get them loose? The corporate fat cats in their ivory tower made of chewing gum have ughnooooooified the M&Ms because they think we, the current customers, are a bunch of dumpy sluts who need to be taught proper manners. The Mars Wrigley Corporation doesn’t think that girl M&Ms can do everything that boy M&Ms can do – and in heels!
So is Mars Wrigley going to disavow this M&M commercial in which a bunch of boy M&Ms melt into little chocolate puddles from watching the green one talk about raspberries and almonds on red silk sheets?.
Are they going to try and tell us next that THIS is not representative of millions of M&Ms consumers, who also have great gams and engage in a bit of light sexual wordplay in the workplace?
And by the way, don’t expect more girl M&Ms. Just expect more powerful M&MEN at the top of the org ladder, tamping down on these aging, formerly empowered women’s sensualities, while actively exploiting the labor of those less powerful than they are.
According to CNN, Vincent said that “adding another couple of female characters to balance out the ratio is possible, but there are ‘implications’ for the product itself. Namely, M&Ms would have to add new permanent colors to its mix.”
CNN continued: “The solution, then, was to give the female Green and Brown a promotion. They’ll have more prominent placement in ads, with the aim of ‘a little bit more gender balance,’ said Vincent.”
A woman at the top in sneakers, chopping it up with the guys — looks pretty good on paper, no? But when does a corporation propping up the green M&M’s prominence devolve into tokenism? It’s not so simple. And is she the one who approved the straightening of the M&Ms logo in the rebrand? The backlash is going to fall on her entirely, I know it.
