The "Changed" Golden Globes Are "Honored" to "Welcome" Sean Penn

And it was going so well too...

BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA - JANUARY 10: 80th Annual GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS -- Pictured: Sean Penn speak...
Rich Polk/NBC/NBCUniversal/Getty Images
sean penn who just do stuff

Who has received more chances than the Golden Globes? Well, Sean Penn, the only Hollywood activist who matters, who was invited on stage at the Globes to introduce none other than his friend and Ukranian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

But let’s backtrack: You’re an awards show trying to make good on the fact that you’ve changed for the better, and your answer to “current events update?” is “Sean Penn”? Penn is by no means “canceled”: he’s had endless lives granted to him despite bouts of alleged violence against others. Maybe in a post-slap world, we can bring in an old guy who used to slap to introduce a world leader to give a bunch of sloshed celebs an update on the war between Ukraine and Russia? Still, it’s hard to buy the nouveau sincerity of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for having this guy up there when it could have just been another long six minutes of Jennifer Coolidge.

What’s more insulting than Penn’s presence on stage, however? If the Globes is really so committed to doing a live update on what’s happening in Eastern Europe, there is someone in the room who can absolutely do the job, and she looks so beautiful:

Monica Schipper/The Hollywood Reporter/Getty Images

Jessica Chastain.

We love her. She’s dressed like a spider. She’s so talented. She won an Oscar. And she flew out to Ukraine to meet Zelenskyy, too. Let’s get her up on stage so Penn can deal with whatever respiratory illness he might be harboring in peace and quiet.