The Cast and Crew of ‘NCIS’ Are Puking

And nobody knows why

VALENCIA, CA - FEBRUARY 09:  (L - R) Actors Rocky Carroll, Mark Harmon and Emily Wickersham attend t...
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mystery puke

Be still for a moment. Can you sense something is amiss? Yes … if my senses aren’t failing me I believe the disturbance is coming from the hallowed grounds of Valencia Studios in Valencia, California, where the CBS procedural NCIS is filmed. And if I’m perceiving things correctly, it seems those wretched souls housed there are … puking.

Yes, TMZ confirms it — the cast and crew of NCIS are sick with what the tabloid is calling a “mystery illness”; one that involves puking. My, it sounds like something ripped straight from the pages of an NCIS script! (N.b.: Apparently NCIS stands for Naval Criminal Investigative Service, so this may not actually be true.)

The mystery puking illness took down at least 18 members of the NCIS cast and crew on Thursday, and one can imagine it will take even more as its evil advances among those grabbing a pastry at craft services. “One show exec told us they have been having Zoom meetings,” says TMZ, “to figure out how to message what happened to everyone involved.” And of course we do hope all of the show execs soon figure out how to message what happened to everyone involved (which now includes us).

TMZ’s CBS source believes the mystery illness might be “something like food poisoning,” but we believe it must be far more mysterious than that. Maybe something like … a witch’s curse, or something Naval-related, like a seamen’s flu. We also believe the illness’s symptoms include diarrhea, but that no one wants to be the first one to say so.

Will we ever know what is making the cast and crew of NCIS puke? I believe that we will. Because as we well know, nothing gets past the, uh, Naval Criminal Investigative Service.