In the ‘Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ Premiere, Jen Shah Is Still Innocent

“If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts.” Adam Duritz sang that in a Counting Crows song once. Had he been a Housewives fan, he might have added, “And if memories are films about ghosts, then any episode of Real Housewives is kind of a TV show about ghosts, for example the premiere of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’s third season, in which Jen Shah maintains her innocence, in the past, about something for which she is currently awaiting sentencing in the present.” And he would have been right.

In honor of Coach Shah’s 51st birthday — and last night’s season three premiere — let’s see what’s old with Shah and the rest of our best SLC friends.

Jen Shah

Like Duritz said, in the timeline of the show, Jen Shah — who pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit wire fraud in July — is still “innocent.” She’s had to downsize, though, going from a 9,000-square-foot home to a 4,000-square-foot home, which in some ways is similar to jail. "I went from the Barbie dream house closet to a normal size closet," she said. They showed a sliver of the “normal” closet and, to me?, it still looked pretty big.

The alliances have shifted since the end of last season, and Shah is now friends with Meredith. (Meredith spent last season angry with Shah for various things, but primarily for liking tweets that made fun of her son, who of course once accused Shah of exposing herself to him when she stretched her leg too much on a couch.) It’s unclear why Meredith likes Shah now, other than the fact that she doesn’t like Lisa Barlow anymore and I guess needed a friend, but of course we’re happy for them.

Shah is putting “every penny” towards fighting her case, but luckily she has some rich friend who was willing to host Coach Shah’s 51st birthday, which featured a cameo from Glen “Big Baby” Davis (kind of a Housewives type himself). Throughout the episode there were several moving and anxiety-inducing scenes from Coach Shah, who clearly does not want his wife to go to prison, but, well … at least he got to have this party. Yay…

Meredith Marks and Lisa Barlow

As I’m sure you recall, Meredith Marks is a garbage whore with a family that poses. Lisa Barlow hasn’t reached out to apologize to Meredith for her hot mic rant between seasons, and Meredith is not eager to accept her on-camera apology now. Also — Meredith would like you, the viewer, to know that Lisa Barlow’s VIDA Tequila business is likely not doing as well as you may have assumed (okay), and that maybe — who knows? we’re just thinking aloud — Lisa has traded sex for money or, umm, VIDA Tequila brand promotion or something.

It was a difficult accusation to follow, but suffice it to say that maybe, in fact, Lisa is the garbage whore with a family that poses after all. Oh, also Lisa is friends with Heather Gay now (not becaue she likes her, just because she has no other friends).

Heather Gay and Whitney Rose

The so-called cousins are fine for now, but it seems like something bad happens between them at a Marilyn Monroe-themed party (very on-trend) in a future episode. Mormon God bless them!

Seth Marks

Seth wore two different hats.