New York's Imminent Snowstorms: "Hope You Like Snow, Bitch"

Say a prayer today for our seasonally depressed brethren. In just a bit over two weeks, we’ll set the clocks back, gaining an hour of sleep and a lifetime of darkness. And now this. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), there’s gonna be a shit ton of snow beginning earlier in the season than usual and continuing until we are all buried; laid to rest for eons until life one day begins anew on this planet we once called Earth. Will the next inhabitants prove to be better stewards? We can rest assured knowing it would at least be hard for them to be worse.

Yes, it’s going to snow a lot and soonish. This is due to what NOAA is referring to as a “double-dip” from La Niña; a weather pattern that occurs when sea surface temperatures are cooler than average in the tropical Pacific, influencing weather across the country. Last year it brought drier temperatures to the west, which could be an indicator of what it may bring this year. To the east, it brought — and will likely now bring — snow.

“Probably going to be seeing temperatures across the Northeast being a little bit colder than average,” Accuweather meteorologist Max Gawryla told the New York Post. “There is usually a decent chance for nor’easters to form with that, so it wouldn’t be out of the question to see some sort of early-season snowstorm or early-season winter conditions.”

New York City is predicted to get 32 inches of snow this year, which is 2 inches more than normal, but a few fewer than last year when it got 39. Of course, though, we can never truly know what Snow God has in store for us. Can we beat last year’s number? Leave one sopping wet sneaker under your pillow tonight if you wish “yes,” and leave two if you wish “no.”