Wait — Am I the Mysterious Author Behind the Henry Cavill Spy Thriller ‘Argylle’?

The Hollywood Reporter has uncovered a mystery, and I’m worried I might be at the center of it. Please let me explain.

Elly Conway is the first-time author behind a spy novel called Argylle. The book was adapted into an upcoming Henry Cavill movie of the same name, in a deal that reportedly cost Apple $200 million. When the film was announced in 2021, director Matthew Vaughn said that after reading a draft of the book’s manuscript, he “felt it was the most incredible and original spy franchise since Ian Fleming’s books of the ‘50s.” He added that he thought it would “reinvent the spy genre.”

Oddly, that book hasn’t yet been published. Originally slated for a Sept. 29 release, it’s been pushed back further, to March 30, 2023. It doesn’t even have an Amazon page, aside from this German-language Kindle version. Even odder, THR was unable to find any mention of Conway online, apart from her publisher’s two-line bio, which states that she “lives in the United States and is currently working on the next installment in the series.” In other mentions on the Penguin Random House website, her name is spelled “Ellie” Conway.

“Efforts by THR to interview Conway, or even learn more details about her, have proven fruitless,” the site’s report says. “Communication with a publicist for Ballantine Books, the imprint publishing Argylle, went dead after the conversation turned to questions about the author.”

Extremely spooky, and I hate to frighten you further, but I have some evidence regarding the identity of Elly Conway I’d like you to take a look at. This is top secret, so please don’t allow anyone to view your screen, and if you must communicate the information contained within to another party, please use Signal.

Here it is:

I’m shaking right now, but I have to ask: Do you think I, Kelly Conaboy, am Elly Conway?

Beyond the evidence already presented, I have written one book. So you know I have it in me. I don’t have any memory of writing Argylle, but I don’t have any memory of lots of things I order online, and yet they still show up at my house.

Please let me know what you think, and if you find out any additional information. I’m just hoping to find the truth and to receive my (rightful!) cut of the $200 million.