I Reject the Reality of the Mosquito Tornado

Nice try, Russia.

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pass

There’s always some new terrible shit with bugs. Swarms of spotted lanternflies, murder hornets. Now this thing: mosquito “tornado.” Are you kidding me?

No. The “tornado” happened on the eastern coast of Russia and it apparently lasted “for several hundred meters” according to a guy named Alexei who saw it and was quoted in the Daily Mail. He continued, “It wasn't a pleasant experience as I could hardly see the road. I didn't dare open my windows. Giant pillars of mosquitoes were visible everywhere I looked.” This is too much.

And listen to what this entomologist named Lyudmila Lobkova said to Kamchatka Inform, according to the Siberian Times, according to a tweet, according to the New York Post: “These are male mosquitoes swarming around one of several females in order to mate — there is nothing wrong with this.”

Okay — yes there is. Enough.

Bugs are already terrible. We don’t need new terrible shit with them. They’re always on you when you’re outside, particularly right now, which is late July. I can’t stand it. I have three new mosquito bites just from walking my dog this morning. And he’s always trying to eat bees. Why? Fucking bees. I hate it. Fuck all the new shit with bugs.