Advent Calendar Death Match: Dog Treats Vs. Dog Toys
This Advent ... is for the dogs
Advent Calendar Death Match is a four-part series pitting Advent calendars against each other in a fight to the death. Previously: Susanne Kaufman vs. Rituals.
Our dogs deserve the most luxurious Advent calendars available, because they’re our best friends and the only beings we speak to daily who haven’t committed at least a little unspeakable evil against someone else. However, a dog’s needs are simple. They don’t need dog La Mer, for example, because they will be effortlessly gorgeous until death. They don’t need dog Susanne Kaufmann or dog Diptyque. If I could have gotten (for free) an Advent calendar that was one monthly canine flea and tick preventative pill every day — pills I could have saved up for the coming two years — that would have been nice for me and would have saved me around $600, but I don’t think my dog would have cared much at all. So we must retreat to the old standbys.
In this death match, we will be pitting Bosco & Roxy's Bark The Halls Dog Treat Advent Calendar ($19.99) against Frisco’s Holiday 12 Day Advent Calendar with Toys for Dogs ($36.85). Let’s see who survives.
CHRISTMAS MAGIC:
Bosco & Roxy's: There is already a good amount of Christmas magic built in to an Advent calendar full of dog treats, as it provides 24 guaranteed opportunities to give your dog a snack, and a few seconds to say — I am your mama, and you are my baby, and we are in love. It provides a little moment of connection between the two of you, wherein you might be able to feel wet dog tongue on your fingers. There’s also a bit of magic in the fact that this advent calendar opens like a book, as you can pretend you’re opening an olde Christmas text. However it is no match for the Christmas Magic of the next one, which is tree-shaped.
Rating: 8/10
Frisco: This one is tree-shaped.
Rating: 10/10
THE NUMBERS:
Bosco & Roxy's: As you might recall, this section grades the calendars on whether the numbers are scattered (correct) or in order (incorrect). With Bosco & Roxy’s, the numbers are scattered. Correct.
Rating: 10/10
Frisco: Not only are the numbers in order here, they only go up to 12. What the hell am I supposed to do for the other 12 days? When am I even supposed to open the drawers, every other day? How am I supposed to remember that? Or am I just supposed to open them from December 1 through December 12? That can’t be right, but it did not come with instructions.
Rating: 5/10
THE GIFTS:
Bosco & Roxy's: Every gift is the same dog bone cookie coated in a different color of dog icing. It’s certainly fine, but it sort of takes the surprise element out of the Advent experience. The dogs (Frank and Peter) don’t notice, but on their behalf I’m going to be docking two points for lack of creativity. They deserve to be surprised by different shapes. Not to be too “ruff,” LOL.
Rating: 8/10
Frisco: What you, the human, may think of the gifts in this toy calendar depends on your tolerance for picking up discarded fluff and listening to constant squeaking. All of the Christmas-themed toys squeak, and quite a few of them are plushies. My tolerance for picking up fluff is very high; I’ve even been known to put fluff back into disemboweled toys that my dog particularly likes so he is able to tear out their fluff once again. My tolerance for squeaking is not particularly high — I hate the squeaking and don’t understand why we have chosen this as a function of just about every dog toy — but it is, I think, still higher than most people’s. I can deal with squeaking for quite a bit before mama has to hide the toy from doggy baby. When I saw the gifts inside of the calendar I felt joy and made joyful noises.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, saw the gifts inside of the calendar and said, “Oh my god. Are you fucking kidding me? THIS IS TERRIBLE!!!” His tolerance for both fluff and squeak is quite low, as you can see. But it isn’t about us, or which of us is called “nice mama” and which is called “mean mama” (by me). The dogs love the toys unequivocally.
Rating: 10/10
THE GIFT UNVEILING PROCESS:
Bosco & Roxy's: Every treat is in a little perforated area that you have to poke through in order to retrieve the treat. It’s a bit difficult, particularly if you have a manicure you don’t want to ruin it, which I don’t at the moment. (I’m thinking ahead.)
Rating: 7.5/10
Frisco: Every gift is in a little drawer. I love the drawers.
Rating: 10/10
BONUS:
Bosco & Roxy's: This one receives a five point bonus because it brings joy to my dogs.
Frisco: This one receives a five point bonus because it brings joy to my dogs.
FINAL TALLIES:
Bosco & Roxy's: 38.5
Frisco: 40
