What Can Meghan Markle Buy with Her $1.36 Legal Victory

Can the Duchess use the windfall from her 'Daily Mail' lawsuit to reclaim the narrative for the fifteenth time?

Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle speaks during the 2021 Global Citizen Live festival at the Great Law...
Daily Fail

The podcaster and lapsed Duchess Meghan Markle received £1 (equivalent to $1.36 USD) in privacy invasion damages as a result of her suit (hehe, Suits) against the Daily Mail and the Mail Online for publishing a handwritten letter she’d written to her estranged father.

Markle has maintained that this legal battle was about privacy, not about money, and that she’d donate any winnings to charity. The Guardian, however, spoke to a lawyer who implied that the $1.36 victory was effectively a self own:

Mark Stephens, a media lawyer, said the nominal settlement for the privacy aspect suggested a weakness in that aspect of Meghan’s case: “Normally for that kind of invasion of privacy you would expect £75,000 to £125,000. It does show that the curation of her reputation was an area where she had effectively invaded her own privacy.”

The Daily Mail will also pay what is likely a larger sum in copyright infringement and possibly a portion of her legal bills, according to the Guardian. But since none of those numbers are public yet, we’re going to have to go off the assumption that Markle has exactly $1.36 of newfound spending money. It would be insulting to give that to charity, so now it’s just burning a hole in her pocket. She can’t put it in Lilibet’s piggy bank, but inherited wealth is a bad look — just ask her in-laws. No, she’ll have to spend it on something noble.

What can she buy with $1.36 to prove she’s a good person?

Some ideas:

Yardley of London Cocoa Butter Moisturizing Bath Bar, $1.29

She may have abandoned the empire after two years, but she can send a message to Harry’s constituents that she prefers their homegrown soaps to the Dove or Aveeno of her native land.

Funny “Do You See Who This Bitch Is Talking To?” Dora the Explorer Sticker, $0.89

Supporting the fine artisans of Etsy is a far better use of her settlement fee than buying corporate. Archie will love it, and Prince Harry will find it hilarious. He has a really twisted sense of humor.

One-Fourth of One Del Taco Crispy Beyond Taco®, $1.36

Meghan and Harry care a lot about sustainability, and if she were caught by the paps splitting this veg delicacy with her husband (he’d have to pay for the rest of it; it costs $3.19), it could work to inspire conscientious eating habits across Del Taco’s consumer base. That kind of reach is something Meghan and Harry’s “impact-driven” non-profit, the Archewell Foundation, could only dream of.

New Moon Wolf Pack Paper Bookmark, $0.98

This discounted bookmark featuring Twilight characters not only discourages pre-marital sex as vehemently as the IP itself does, but is also sure to impress neighbor Oprah, a huge reader.

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. pin, $1.34

Remember the wretched royal scandal where Princess Michael of Kent wore a racist brooch to meet the Duchess at a Christmas luncheon? Meghan can fight hate with love with this iconic button. When they go low, we double down on fashion diplomacy.

Kindle Edition of Anne Boleyn: 500 Years of Lies by Hayley Nolan, $0.99

Anne Boleyn, the mistress and eventual queen of England’s Henry VIII, was one of history’s most misunderstood women. Remind you of anyone? No, not Camila Parker-Bowles. I mean Meghan. Lucky for her, this particular title is currently listed on Kindle’s 99-cent section, so she better act fast. It might be difficult to passively show the public that she’s reclaiming the legacy of Anne Boleyn using a Kindle edition of the book due to its lack of a graphic flap jacket, but I’m sure Meghan could like, tweet about it.