Watch Out Casey Affleck, Here Come the Age Gap Police

The #MeToo survivor’s new girlfriend was born a year after his supporting turn in ‘Good Will Hunting’

SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA - MAY 28: Casey Affleck attends Haute Living, Ulysse Nardin, and Wine Acces...
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blood lust

Casey Affleck, the 46-year-old alleged multi-hyphenate and famous blustering uncle to Jennifer Garner’s chickens, announced his relationship with 23-year-old actress Caylee Cowan last week, making them the second-most famous duo with those names. CayLee (that’s their Bennifer portmanteau, I hate to report) made their love public while donating blood to the Red Cross.

I think their love is regular and true, and if any jealous hag prudes come out decrying their age gap, I want you to know that I did graduate with a women’s studies degree from a mid-ranked liberal arts college in 2013, and I think this May-December romance is a total boon.

Being a total baby, Cowan was pretty scared to give blood. Luckily she had this guy, “Ben Affleck’s artsy kid brother,” around to make her feel safe, secure, and heard.

Affleck wrote on Instagram, “[Cowan] is MY Love, and she ALWAYS shows up when it counts… However Caylee is usually unenthused about needles, blood, etc, and though she believably feigned nonchalance all the way to the donation location, once on the table with her sleeve rolled up, she was overheard quietly asking a staff member, ‘Is there a chance I might die?’”

Based on stories I’ve read about Casey Affleck’s alleged misdeeds, he seems good at reading the room, and he’s got a total beat on the “feigned nonchalance” of all women with whom he interacts. I wish these two a normal relationship.