Warning: The Property Brother and Zooey Deschanel Are Being Gross on Instagram

“Happy couples are all the same kind of disgusting; every unhappy couple is disgusting in its own way." A person said that once, in a book. And, indeed, that famous old sentence has never been truer than it is today or, more accurately, than it was two days ago, and I’ll tell you why.

Two days ago the “Property Brother” who Zooey Deschanel is dating for some reason posted an Instagram so vile, so depraved, so repugnant that it would be unethical for me to share it on this site today without issuing a trigger warning in advance of its appearance.

WARNING: What you are about to see may be disturbing, particularly to those who have suffered from knowing disgusting couples in the past. If you have had issues with friends telling you about how happy they are unprompted; if you have been exposed to supposedly sweet anecdotes about a boyfriend or girlfriend that were private in nature and should have stayed that way; if you have heard about a person’s sex life and thought “why are you telling me this, please stop”; if you have ever wondered what dark problems are lurking within a relationship that compel each member of it to post profusely on social media about how things are great: you may want to navigate your browser away from this post right now.

For those brave souls who have remained:

“You’ve affectionately held my heart for almost 3 years,” Jonathan Property wrote, “the least I could do is hold your train for 3 hours 🥰 You looked beautiful as always.”

Eeeeyyyuuchk. GAAAAHHHROSS. [MIMING BARFING]. Disgusting. To make matters worse, Deschanel commented in response, “You are my numero uno!!!! Best boyfriend in the world! ❤️❤️❤️”

EEEEEECCHHHHHHHYYYYYYUUUUCK!

You guys are gross. Why are you making us a part of this. We do not consent. This is not our business. Leave us alone and go hold each other’s trains in private.