God Has Abandoned Us; ‘Vanderpump Rules’ Will Return for Another Season

These are the worst days of our lives

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ – MARCH 23: (L-R) Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz of "Vanderpump Rules" host The Poo...
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the devil's work

I won’t get into it but, as you know, things are in general not good. You can fill in your own issues here: there’s this, and this, and this. And now there’s this. We have to watch another whole season of goddamn Vanderpump Rules.

Bravo announced on Thursday that the formerly beloved and now roundly disliked reality show would return, likely later this year, for its 10th season. This was unexpected, due to how the show has sucked for many seasons and, in particular, it sucked for the last season. Formerly a show about a group of young and entertainingly monstrous servers at Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant SUR, the concept has devolved into following a small handful of elderly former SUR servers (the ones who have not been fired for racist acts) as they attempt to start various soon-to-fail businesses between rounds of pickleball.

Between the last season’s finale and now, three of the cast’s core couples have divorced: James and Raquel, Lala and Her Man, and Tom Schwartz and Katie. That pretty much leaves only the most obnoxious couple standing: Tom Sandoval and Ariana. In the upcoming season, we can look forward to: them. We can also look forward to:

  • Sandoval and Schwartz draining more of the funds they do not have as they attempt to open their money-pit of a bar “Schwartz & Sandy’s”
  • Scheana co-parenting with her husband, who was accused of domestic violence by the mother of his other children, whom he has not seen in years
  • “Something About Her” sandwiches
  • Seeing whether the rumors that James Kennedy has fallen off the wagon are true, which, if they are, will be remarkably depressing
  • That new girl, whatever her name is
  • Tom Schwartz going on dates

Do you think we all did something bad in a former life to have ended up here today? At this point it seems like something we at least have to consider.