Tom Brady Updates Twitter Profile to Reflect Various Failures

Goodbye, family and cryptocurrency

MONTE-CARLO, MONACO - MAY 27:  Tom Brady is seen during the Monaco Formula One Grand Prix at Circuit...
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the new tom

Well, it looks like someone told Tom Brady about Gisele Bündchen’s new boyfriend. The dedicated quarterback and indifferent father has officially entered the first stage of “knowing your ex has moved on with someone else” and erased his ex-wife from his social media. Please, Ron DeSantis (Tom Brady’s one friend) — don’t let him near a hair salon.

Brady’s Twitter profile used to feature a header image of Gisele Bündchen and their children arm-in-arm on the beach. Completing this comically apt depiction of things that did not go as planned, his profile photo used to be a photo of him with red laser eyes, a meme nod to cryptocurrency he began using in 2021 to help promote Bitcoin. As you may know, Brady and Bündchen were spokespeople for cryptocurrency exchange FTX, which has, in the past week, gone up in flames in a quite hilarious way. (They were paid in crypto and a stake in FTX.)


Whoops, haha.

No worries, though. Brady has updated his profile to reflect the new Tom Brady. The Tom Brady that has evolved past having a family. The Tom Brady that — hm, what? FTX? Crypto? Losing a remarkable amount of money in the blink of an eye; just poof, up in smoke? No, he’s actually not sure what all that stuff means; you must have the wrong guy, LOL. This is the new and improved Tom Brady who is focused exclusively on what is important.



As you can see, Tom Brady’s new Twitter header image is him playing football. And his profile photo is, according to Fox, “a digitized version of a Brady sculpture, which was picked by members of the quarterback’s signature experience on his NFT platform Autograph,” whatever that means.

All right, man. You do you. Sort it out. And I might suggest changing Gisele Bündchen’s name to “DO NOT TEXT” in your phone, just to be safe.