Football Is War and Tom Brady Was Born to Serve

That’s why he doesn’t have time for his family, okay?

Boston Globe/Boston Globe/Getty Images
cleats on the turf

It’s so easy to sit around and complain, isn’t it? To live your comfortable little life, to watch your comfortable little TV and bitch about how almost all of the comfortable little original shows on Netflix are bad. Meanwhile, Tom Brady is out there fighting. Meanwhile, Tom Brady is out there abandoning his family in order to secure your freedom. Meanwhile, Tom Brady is out there being a literal soldier in the military — in a figurative sense!

In a discussion with Kevin Durant on the Tom Brady-hosted podcast “Let’s Go” (I guess he has a podcast), Brady broke his silence on an intriguing topic: his struggle with maintaining a work-life balance. My, I never would have guessed he had trouble with this, especially after learning he has a completely unnecessary podcast.

“I almost look at a football season like you’re going away on deployment for the military,” he said. “And it’s like, ‘Man, here I go again.’” Man, ugh. If only NFL enrollment were voluntary!

“The reality is,” Brady continued, “you can really only be authentic to yourself. Right? Whatever you may say — ‘Ah, man, I want to, you know, make sure I spend a little more time doing this during the season,’ the reality is, when it comes down to it, your competitiveness takes over and — as much as you want to have this playful balance with the work balance — you’re going to end up doing exactly what you’ve always done, which is why you are who you are.”

So, you see? That’s why he had to unretire, and that’s why he has to keep the names of his wife and children on flashcards that he practices with whenever he has a free minute, which is never (he’s at war). He is just being his authentic self, which is a soldier in the military. Duh. Hello? That’s just the reality of it.

Football is war, competitiveness is America, and we have to support our troops, who are football players, by allowing them to not participate in their family for most of the year. God, why doesn’t Gisele Bünchden get this? It’s almost treasonous…