Slap Update VI: One Week Anniversary of the Slap
We've come so far.
Where were you when you first heard about the slap? It’s a question you’re going to hear for the rest of your life, so you better get your answer straight now. As for me, I was in Algebra I. The rest of the day was a wash, as you can imagine. I can’t believe they didn’t just send us home. Crazy to think it’s already the one-week anniversary of the Monday that followed. Let’s celebrate with an update.
WILL SMITH RESIGNED FROM THE ACADEMY
“Oh noooo … ?” the nation sighed collectively when the news broke on Friday evening, not knowing what this means. Apparently what it means is he can’t get screeners or vote, (“oh no”), but he can still be invited to the ceremony and he can even be nominated, if the remaining members of the Academy want to nominate him badly enough for something. Okay then. I’m getting this from People; you can see what else they say here.
TREVOR NOAH MADE A JOKE ABOUT IT AT THE GRAMMYS
The Grammys were Sunday night, and I’m sure some people out there watched them. Trevor Noah went so far as to host. “We’re gonna be listening to some music,” he said at the top of the show. “We’re gonna be dancing, we’re gonna be singing. We’re gonna be keeping people’s names out of our mouths, and we’re gonna be giving out awards.” Ha-ha-ha. Us Magazine called this a “subtle joke,” but I actually got it right away.
MEL GIBSON’S PR HELPED HIM TO AVOID A TRAP
In a Friday interview with Fox News, racist antisemite Mel Gibson (there to be interviewed about his role in the movie Father Stu) was asked his opinion on the slap. “You understand it probably better than a lot of people, with your career,” began Fox News host Jesse Watters, smoothly alluding to, I assume, Mel Gibson’s history of domestic violence. “And I was wondering if, you know, you had been the one that jumped up out of his seat and slapped Chris Rock, if you would have been treated the same way, Mel?”
Hey Mel, don’t you want to say something racist? Something reeaal bad ;)? Unfortunately for Fox News and its viewers, Mel, who had dissolved into a fit of giggles, was cut off from a voice off-screen. “Hello Jesse? Um, thank you, that’s our time,” said the omniscient spirit, presumably that of Mel Gibson’s PR person who was assigned to monitor the interview for questions that might lead to blatant displays of racism. Damn. Maybe next time, Jesse Watters.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE HOST JERROD CARMICHAEL DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
“I’m not going to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. You can’t make me talk about it,” Jerrod Carmichael said in his Saturday Night Live monologue, referring to the slap. Every blogger said that this morning too, though, and here we all are.
DENZEL WASHINGTON DOES WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
According to CNN, Denzel Washington was a speaker at Bishop T.D. Jakes’ leadership summit on Saturday, a fact to which we can only say, “all right.” During his two-hour discussion there he, of course, spoke about the slap.
“Well, there’s a saying when the devil ignores you, then you know you’re doing something wrong,” Washington said, portraying the devil as a being similar to the object of one’s thirst traps. “You know, the devil goes, ‘Oh, no, leave him alone, he’s my favorite. Don’t bother him.’ Conversely, when the devil comes at you, maybe it’s because you’re trying to do something right. And for whatever reason, the devil got a hold of that circumstance that night.”
“Who are we to condemn?” he said. “I don’t know all the ins and outs of the situation, but I know the only solution was prayer.” He said he and Tyler Perry approached Will Smith immediately after the slap in order to pray with him.
As for you, we know your grubby little hands are clutched together in prayer only for more slap updates. Yuck. Feel free to peruse the previous ones to get your disgusting “slap jollies.”
