The Queen Is Alive and Eats Chocolate

Sweet treats to dull the pain

WINDSOR, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 16: Queen Elizabeth II speaks during an audience at Windsor Castle when ...
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When reporting that Queen Elizabeth II is alive but might have rigor mortis earlier this week, we missed an important nougat of information hiding in plain sight in photos of the ancient monarch’s latest public engagement. Can you spot what it is?


No? Computer, enhance:


Sitting on a table in the Windsor Castle’s Oak Room are not one, not two, but at least three boxes of chocolates, “should the Queen or her guests need a nibble,” according to People. The publication identified these treats as Fortnum’s Marc de Champagne Truffles (described on the Fortnum & Mason website as “boozy” and “silky”), Bendicks Mint Collection (“vegan friendly”), and Fortnum & Mason’s Milk & Dark Chocolate Selection Box (“an enchanting mix”).

The queen is said to have a sweet tooth. In fact, as part of her upcoming Platinum Jubilee celebrations to celebrate her 70th year on the throne, she has tasked the British public with submitting original pudding recipes, some of which are bound to be palatable.

The Jubilee is already off to an inauspicious start, as scandal has once again rocked the normally drama-free royals. Mummy’s favorite son Andew reached a settlement with Virginia Giuffre — the Jeffrey Epstein accuser who alleged that the prince raped her when she was a teen — before he was scheduled to sit for a potentially reputation-obliterating deposition. Prince Charles, not one to let his brother take all the shine, is now facing an investigation over allegations that his charity offered to obtain knighthood and British citizenship for a Saudi national in exchange for a donation. The queen, meanwhile, is facing scrutiny for presumably helping pay for Andrew’s settlement, which is said to be upwards of $16 million.

It’s a lot to ask for from any 95-year-old, let alone one as close to death as the queen. No wonder she likes to have three boxes of chocolate on hand at all times.