Harry to Miss Out on Sickest Party of the Year (William’s 40th Birthday)

Meghan can't come either

LONDON, ENGLAND - APRIL 26: Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Prince Harry attend the opening of...
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Touted by many as “the event of the century that is going to be so fucking sick,” Prince William’s 40th birthday party is looming, and everybody who’s anybody is getting an invite: Stick girl, Kate Middleton, their bitch kids, probably these losers.

While we do not at this moment have specifics regarding the event, knowing Prince William, lucky guests can likely expect to find no end to delectable birthday offerings such as little mayo sandwiches, bitter tea, chocolate biscuit cake (his favorite), and not shellfish. Um, sorry if you’re jealous. And an extra special “sorry” if you’re Prince Harry or Meghan Markle, because you guys are not invited.

“William still loves Harry — that will never change,” a source told the website Heatworld, whatever that is, “but his apparent insensitivity makes him persona non grata at the moment and it will take some miracle for that to change.” The insensitivity Prince William is allegedly alluding to via this source is Harry’s decision not to attend their grandfather Prince Philip’s memorial service. And now, as his punishment, he has to miss another great party. The source continues:

“The feeling is that, even if Harry and Meghan decided to come to William’s celebration, and that is a big if, their presence would bring a whole fresh set of problems, and nobody wants that. The sad truth is that William barely recognizes, let alone relates to, his younger brother any more.”

Tsk, tsk. As you can see, Prince William’s somehow already decrepit 40-year-old hands are tied. Maybe experiencing acute FOMO regarding the wildest blowout of anyone’s lifetime that is not even happening until the end of June will teach Prince Harry a lesson. And if not, well … at least there will be a little more biscuit cake for the big birthday boy.