Pete Davidson and Emily Ratajkowski Are Sapiosexual Goals

A source told Us Weekly, "He’s certainly met his intellectual match in Emily.”

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We all know Pete Davidson, the well-endowed comedian who had an entire series of SmartWater commercials predicated on his underdeveloped decision-making skills, as a bookish dweeb type. And we all regard Emily Ratajkowski, essayist and bikini impresario, as having great taste in romantic partners. And now that Pete and Emily are attempting to co-exist in the same paparazzi-friendly rooms as Pete drains his vape pen, their shared phrenic fervor is off the charts.

According to a source who spoke to Us Weekly about this crackling mindmeld of a fake couple, “There’s no doubt Pete loves a challenge and he’s certainly met his intellectual match in Emily.”

“Pete makes Emily laugh and he loves how intelligent she is,” a DIFFERENT source told Us.

Pete’s girl used to be a lawyer, but now, he’s upgraded, brain-wise speaking. Even though we think she should be dating a philosophy adjunct, we can’t deny that Emily is THEE public intellectual to fill the void in Skeet’s frontal lobe.

Humble blogger as I am, I can barely conceive of what kind of bon mots and theorems the two of them get up to in the isolated ivory towers they squat in. Should a baby remain genderless until they’re 18, until I decide actually, he’s a boy, Emily asks of Pete. Pete sucks hard on a tobacco pipe he’s filled with Delta-8 and powdered sugar and ponders it. Then he goes socratic, answering a question with a question, Can a girl be the King of Staten Island? They’re both reading David Brooks’s Bobos in Paradise now, which came out when they were nine and ten years old.

Happy thought criming, you two!