I Won't Believe Who Was a Fan of 'New Girl'?

You won’t believe who was a fan of New Girl.

It’s a plain statement of fact, and yet it leaves you wanting. You’re being told there is no use in discussing it further; you will not believe who was a fan of New Girl, with the facts as they are, and yet the statement fills you with an impish determination to prove it wrong. You can sense immediately how this feeling could evolve into anger, under the right circumstances.

How about you tell me who was a fan of New Girl, you think, and I’ll tell you whether I believe it. Yes, the anger is rising now. You want your unnamed accusers to not only know you believe it, but to watch you believe it. You want to pry their eyeballs open with your fingers.

Watch me believe who was a fan of New Girl.

Watch me not show one fucking trace of surprise.

But no. No, no, no, this is what they want. Do not let them bait you; do not let your emotions fluctuate at their whim. You are quite sure at this point that you would believe who was a fan of New Girl, if only the information were conveyed to you, and you are steady in this belief. You do not need outside confirmation. You do not need approval from a source that has only brought you angst.

And yet. As you sit knowing that you would believe it — that any name you thought of could not bring you surprise (you’re thinking now … Jeff Bezos? Mumia Abu-Jamal?) — still the desire persists.

Who is it.

Who was a fan of New Girl.

Of course the information exists, and you are nothing if not a seeker of truth. Who could fault you for waiting to gain knowledge? The information lies not only in the apparently unlikely New Girl fan but in E! News, which enticed you with this riddle in the first place. I suppose there’s nothing left to do but find out.

New Girl actor Lamorne Morris recalled on his New Girl podcast the day New Girl’s mystery fan visited the set. "As I'm coming out of my trailer," he said, "I see this tall dude in a Nike track suit walking up to the stage with one of the executives."

Who is it? This fan?

"I was like, what actor is 6'6"? Like, this is silly, who is that?" Morris said.

"And up comes Kobe Bryant."

Huh. Kobe Bryant. I guess that is pretty surprising, actually.