Nanny McTea? Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis’s Former Babysitter Is Spilling

At the end of the second half of a horror movie, there’s always a glimpse of false hope, a chance that maybe the monster or killer will go to a different town or get distracted playing iPhone games. In the case of the ongoing and possibly forever-going Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis separation drama, it looked for all of four seconds that we might be on the other side of things. Don’t Worry Darling came and went — neither flop nor immediate hit. Sudeikis won another Emmy in a ceremony with more exciting winners as well as all-time low ratings. A profile of Wilde in Elle dropped last week to little to no fanfare, the actor and director repeating talking points from several interviews ago.

Everything was quiet, peaceful, even, until…

Wilde and Sudeikis’s former nanny gave an exclusive interview to DailyMail.com!!!

Unnamed nanny — stop! Unnamed nanny — don’t! Please, we don’t want any more of the Wilde and Sudeikis beef. We need no further information, no text screenshots, no troubled anecdotes. To wade back into this world is to delve into a dark basement with no flashlight. This is not ending well for any of us, let alone Nanny, who probably broke an NDA.

Nanny, what is there to gain from releasing more information about the actors’ ugly separation? Sure, there are a few scoops here and there. Apparently Sudeikis lay in front of Wilde’s car to prevent her from leaving after he learned about her romance with her co-star Harry Styles after reading texts on an Apple Watch. There’s also the confusing matter of an infamous family salad dressing that Wilde prepared for Styles in an ultimate sign of intimacy, one of the many events that led Sudeikis to ban Harry Styles’ music near their children.

Meanwhile, Nanny was fired unceremoniously for getting involved between the separating twosome, putting her in an uncomfortable and unfair labor position — she alleges she received no severance after being dragged into the mess. The reveal that two people behind “no assholes” set policies are actually asshole bosses themselves is to be expected.

The text leaking is no doubt an act of revenge against one or both of the separating pair, and I get it. Nanny, I know you’re angry. Nanny, I know you’re hurt. Nanny, you might even be jonesing for work, to which I am sympathetic. But, Nanny, please, I ask you to consider: do not dredge up headlines about these two again. Whatever is happening with them, as far as it extends to custody of their children and beyond, is for the courts now. Unless you plan to go on the record and say what’s in the “special” salad dressing Wilde prepared for Styles, then it’s time to let us all move on. Otherwise, in Sudeikis’s words to you, “Love will win. #believe.”