Meghan Trainor Must Stop Talking About Her Husband’s Poop — Immediately

With regret I need to remind you that the bathroom Meghan Trainor shares with her husband features two side-by-side toilets.

We learned this unfortunate fact in October when Trainor appeared on Nicole Byer’s Why Won’t You Date Me? podcast, where she explained that she and her husband pee together often, and that she prefers he be in the room with her while she poops. This is not for a medical reason, but because she “misses” him otherwise. Fine. In a tweet following her appearance, Trainor clarified that they have pooped simultaneously only once:

Okay.

I think you’d agree that, speaking generously, this is about all we need to know about what goes on between Meghan Trainor and her husband in their toilettes doubles. And yet, this week the singer appeared on the podcast Pretty Basic with Alisha Marie and Remi Cruz and once again talked about her husband’s poop.

"He'll hang out with me while I poop. It was just — I can't take his poops. Sorry, Daryl," she said. "Like, man poops are a different fucking level. But my poops don't smell."

Meghan. No. Meghan, Meghan, Meghan, Meghan, Meghan, Meghan, Meghan. Meghan. No. Meghan. No. Meghan. Meghan. Meghan.

She went on to say that she didn’t realize speaking about her bathroom habits would go as “viral” as it did, adding that both her mother and her husband urged her to stop talking about the specifics of their excretory system in public. She followed the report of their request by once again stating the fact that she and her husband use their shared toilets together “every day.”

"It's the best part,” she said. “We hold hands, we pee. He sits while he pees, which he's mad that I told the world that too. It's easy, he's tired, he's a dad."

Meghan, I will tell you this politely only once. Stop. We have heard enough about your husband’s No. 1 and No. 2. Likewise, we have heard enough about your No. 1 and No. 2. Everything that “needed” to be said, again speaking generously, about the piss and shit that happens in the side-by-side toilets you share with your husband has been said at this point many times over. We can close this particular chapter without regret.

I must join your mother and husband in requesting that you conclude talk of this, beginning right away.

Thank you in advance.