Source: Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly Are Actually Doing Great

Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly were formally put on Celebrity Breakup Watch on August 2, 2022. Gawker does not take such classifications lightly, and you may peruse correspondent Allie Jones’s full report here.

To summarize her findings: Megan Fox has not posted a photo of Machine Gun Kelly to her Instagram since May; there was a Crazy Days and Nights blind item that seems to predict their imminent breakup; no wedding plans have been announced, though the couple has been engaged for some time; Megan Fox posted photos of herself in underwear from a year-old photoshoot with Kourtney Kardashian in which they both posed near a toilet.

But — well, would you look at this. It seems a secret source has let their loose lips slip with Us Weekly. And the story they’ve hidden behind a veil of protected anonymity to tell? Why, that Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly are doing just fine, as a matter of fact.

“MGK is on tour for the next few months, so he’s really focused on that. Megan is by his side when she can be and when she’s not, they’re constantly communicating over the phone,” the source said, and shhh, don’t tell anyone. “She’s with her kids a lot of the time, which people don’t always see since she keeps them out of the public eye.”

Uh-huh, oh, yes — that explains it. I have no further questions; I understand that he is a busy rocker, and she is a busy mom, and everything is fine otherwise. The source, hidden in the shadows, risks life and limb and personal reputation to add that the two are “spiritually connected” and “have this deep-rooted love for each other that’s unbreakable.” Yes.

After years of studying at the Allie Jones School of Gossip Magazine Studies, I am of the belief that in the coming weeks Us Weekly will get the exclusive on Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly’s breakup. While our tail is between our legs now, I predict it will soon wag again — mournfully. We wish them the best in their press management.