Let's Discuss Natalie Portman's Thordrobe

She's going there (to Ragnarok)

LONDON, ENGLAND - JULY 05: Natalie Portman attends the UK Gala Screening of "Thor: Love And Thunder"...
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glove and thunder

Natalie Portman’s been on a tour promoting her new film Thor: Love and Thunder, a queer coming-of-age indie inspired by mumblecore auteur Taika Waititi’s life in which Natalie plays a supportive Advanced Language Arts teacher named Mrs. Thornton.

Portman, who is a brand ambassador for Dior and as such is imprisoned in a rusted old gilded cage (like Chanel girl Kristen Stewart) when it comes to personal styling, has been dressing up every night to promote the film, each costuming decision more singular than the next. She’s obviously the most beautiful woman in the world and a top 10 rapper, but she looks… bad.

Here’s the couture so far:

July 8

Portman wore a Miu Miu skirt suit and a Magda Butrym crocheted bra top. Very Jackie, as in Jackie. Her own personal John Johns, children Amalia and Aleph Millipied, would look so cute next to her in powder blue funereal pea coats made modern with baby-sized knit crop tops. Just darling!

July 7

A collarless neon orange skirt suit with exaggerated hips pays equal homage to Jackie, to space princess Padmé Amidala, and anything-goes pop star Celeste in the groundbreaking film Vox Lux. Obviously, a nod to the golden age of film (2018).

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July 5

Portman and Tessa Thompson wore Clueless-inspired Dior sets (and for Natalie, a pair of Docs) at a press junket, but I don’t know, the sets sort of wore them. Everyone’s been doing this outfit lately, and Shein and Forever 21 are doing it just as well?

July 5

Bubble-hemmed, smocked-belly Black Swan-ass Dior monstrosity. This embarrasses me to look.

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July 4

I don’t know who makes it but it might as well be Shein. Here she is in Paris with her husband, French dancer Jonathan Safran Foer.

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June 23

Mama annihilated it! Just kidding. This is probably the best of the bad bunch, and it still looks she’s wrapped in an ace bandage in the fallout of getting dangerously swole.

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Thor premieres tonight.