Leonardo DiCaprio Hoarding U.S. Supply of Models at Art Basel Miami

He’s also hoarding the U.S. supply of Richie Akiva

31 August 2021, Berlin: The new wax figure of US Hollywood star Leonardo DiCaprio is at Madame Tussa...
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model behavior

Across the country, cabinets are bare. Hard-working Americans go to the store only to find the shelves empty. At home, they tell their children they’re sorry. There won’t be any models here tonight. And speaking realistically, honey, we might not be seeing any models here for a while.

Leonardo DiCaprio is hoarding them all on a superyacht in Miami.

“There were like a hundred models,” a Page Six source said about Leonardo DiCaprio’s Wednesday night Art Basel party on a Swedish billionaire’s yacht. “I have literally never seen more models in my life, no one was ‘normal’ looking. It was models, models, models.”

Hidden among the models, models, models were Pussy Posse members Tobey Maguire, Richie Akiva, and Helly Nahmad. Hello, gentleman; it’s nice to hear from you again. Unaccounted for among the models, models, models was model-model-model Gigi Hadid, who has recently been linked romantically to DiCaprio. In past weeks, the pair have been spotted at various locations such as afterparty and dinner, but she has not yet been spotted with her aging-wet rumored lover in Miami. Where is she? I hope they didn’t get into a fight.

And do you want to hear what another horny source said about the models, regarding whether or not they were wearing underwear? “There was a group of girls that were wearing beaded dresses with nothing underneath at all, no underwear,” they said. “You could see everything.” AWOOGA! My gosh, who were these women? Jenna Bush Hager??

Although he was surrounded by models, models, models, another Page Six source says DiCaprio spent a portion of his time chatting with the superyacht’s billionaire owner Ernesto Bertarelli (who has a marine conservation foundation) about “saving the oceans.” Excellent choice of conversation to have while floating around needlessly on a superyacht, I think you’d agree.

Well, anyway, honey, I’m sorry about the situation with the models. Mommy’s going to try to not let it ruin the holiday season. Okay? Mommy will figure something out. She always does.