The Last Days of 'Ellen': Gwen Stefani Still, Somehow, Married to Blake Shelton

This never seems true to me

The Ellen DeGeneres Show/YouTube
The Last Days of 'Ellen'

In honor of Ellen Degeneres’s show, The Ellen Degeneres Show, coming to an end after 19 years on May 26, we are chronicling its farewell season each week. These are the Last Days of Ellen.

It never gets less weird that Harajuku girl Gwen Stefani is married to Blake Shelton, a man whose top song on Spotify is called “God’s Country.” I feel as though we all need to take a minute to remind ourselves of the whole situation. After co-starring as judges on The Voice, Gwen Stefani fell in love with Blake Shelton and now they live together on a ranch in Oklahoma.

No offense to the fine people of the Sooner State, but that is really nuts. Gwen went on Ellen today to try to convince us yet again that it is actually very normal. Ellen did her best to corroborate this claim, but I have never believed a single thing that’s come out of her mouth and I won’t be starting now.

Gwen was on the show to “celebrate a new chapter” in her life (a makeup line), but before she could talk about how much she loves the makeup community, we had to talk about Blake.

Of their wedding — which was on the Fourth of July weekend — Gwen said that the whole thing was “so intimate, so exactly what it needed to be.” Something about spending so much time in Oklahoma has definitely gotten to her. Listen to the way she said “God works in mysterious ways” when talking about her COVID wedding. First of all, since when does she talk about God? Second of all, is that a twang?

“The marriage is so fun, and I’m so into it,” Gwen said. I am not a married person, but I do know some married people (some who even like being married) and this is not how they talk about it. But maybe Gwen can try one more time to convince me that she loves being Blake’s wife.

“Notice how you didn’t even have to ask me,” Gwen told Ellen, “like, I just said that I love the marriage.” Why so defensive, Gwen?

Just kidding, I love love. I just don’t need to hear about theirs anymore. And what I certainly don’t want to hear about when I turn on Ellen is Blake Shelton digging a well. Unless he accidentally fell into it, that I would be interested in.