(Blue) Check, Please! Kristin Cavallari Wants Her Terrible Men Verified

She's pretty picky

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JULY 11: Kristin Cavallari is seen outside "Good Morning America" studios on Ju...
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What would it take the worm your way into the heart of Balancing in High Heels author Kristin Cavallari, newly single after divorcing Jay Cutler and then dating and breaking up with two subsequent boyfriends, one of whom was Jeff Dye, a man I’ve never heard of but who has been referred to as a “comedian” by Us Weekly? I know you’ve been wondering. And TGIF — thank God it’s finally (time for the answer)!

“My DMs have essentially been my dating app,” Cavallari shared while guesting on the podcast “Not Skinny, But Not Fat,” which sounds just delightful. “I’m only going to go for the verified [accounts]. I can’t filter through all of my DMs but I can see those blue checkmarks, honey.”

Yep — she can see those blue checkmarks, honey. But does that mean you have to be famous to bag the former subject of one of Gawker’s most beloved torture columns? Nuh-uh, honey.

“I prefer someone to not be [famous],” she said. “I really, in my head, my ideal man is a businessman who no one knows.”

Perfect, yes. She’s even gone on a date with one businessman who no one knows already, so you know she’s serious. “I have gone on a date with a businessman in Nashville,” she said. “I’m pretty picky, I guess.”

Yeah, she’s pretty picky, I guess, so I don’t want to get your hopes up. But, well — are you a businessman who no one knows? Do you live a life of peaceful anonymity while conducting various business affairs — commerce, trade, fiduciary, etc. — and also you have a blue checkmark on Instagram? If so, it might be time to shoot your shot. Get in those DMs, honey.