Kris Jenner Has a Dish Room

Dishes — they live a sad existence, wouldn’t you say? Hidden away in a cabinet until they become “useful.” Living a life of shame. Forced to hold whatever disgusting slop their owners prepare, their dish bodies literally used as dishes. Gruesome. Made to bathe either in darkness or with a moldy sponge in front of God and everyone. And then back into their degrading cabinet they go, left to weep in loneliness and the desire to feel the warmth of love and appreciation, if even for just a moment. Yes, it is a sad life for dishes.

Unless they’re Kris Jenner’s dishes.

Where does Kris Jenner keep her dishes? Not in her sleevies, if that’s what you’re thinking, ha! No, Kris Jenner keeps her dishes in a place deserving of all dishes do for us. Kris Jenner keeps her dishes in a place of honor. Kris Jenner keeps her dishes in a dishes-specific room.

“The room is impeccably organized and perfectly displays her impressive collection of designer dinnerware sets,” says a write-up of the dish room on Poosh. (Poosh, if it’s not your browser’s homepage already, is Kourtney Kardashian’s lifestyle website.) Poosh continues:

“The walk-in closet (if you will) includes a range of timeless and rare table sets (we’re talking several sets of printed plates, teacups, and matching saucers, custom coffee mugs, serving platters, the whole nine yards) that Kris has collected over the years. It’s like a mini museum with excellent lighting surrounding each set and not a teacup or plate out of place. Truly a work of art.”

Truly a work of art. And I believe it. In the bleakest of times, I feel it’s important to find goodness; to find artistic inspiration; to find the will to live. And we have certainly found it here in Kris Jenner’s dish room. In fact, I feel inspiration bubbling up within me just now. This must have been exactly how W.H. Auden felt when he wrote about all those paintings from that recent interactive New York Times piece that we all liked so much. Yes, the poem is building within me. I am of little use to stop it.

THE DISH ROOM by Kelly Conaboy

Dish room, dish room

Gotta make a wish, room

Gonna put a fish, room

In the dish room

My fish is in the dish room

And he is living life

All among the dishes

One of whom’s his wife

He loves the little dish room

As it lends respect

To his wife the dish,

In a way that is correct

Dish room, dish room

Now also a fish room

The granting of our wish, room

In the dish room

My fish, he loves the dish room

But I have to say

I miss his little fish face

I miss it every day

I’m jealous of the dish room

And now I’m not so sure

That dishes need their own room

It seems a bit impure

Dish room, dish room

Give me back my fish, room

This is my one wish, room

From the dish room

But if I take my fish back

Will his life be worse?

Will my fish resent me

Until I’m in a hearse?

You see I’m in a tough spot

With Fish and the room

Something has to happen

I feel heavy with doom

Dish room, dish room

I’ve told you my wish, room

GIVE ME BACK MY FISH, ROOM

From the dish room

The dish room is gone now

No, I can’t say how

But Kris, she had insurance

She’ll survive somehow

And as for my fish friend

Well, he’s doing fine!

I even saved his wife 🙄

Though I made it clear he’s mine

Dish room, dish room

Now it has gone squish, room

You can eat my shit, room

Goodbye dish room

Thank you!