It's Simple: Guys Named Pete Wear Two Hats

In 2007, Pete Doherty went to rehab wearing his “trademark two trilbies,” and I was fulfilled. We’ve since lost him to the sea – he and the rest of the Libertines have opened a “punk noir Victorian” inn called The Albion Rooms in blustery old Kent. It’s been fifteen long years since I’ve been able to scratch the itch of a guy named Pete wearing one hat atop the other.

That is until an Instagram account called @kardashiansocial, which I follow for private medical reasons, posted an extended clip of Kim Kardashian asking her boyfriend Pete Davidson, also a performer with a history of addiction, to remove one of his two baseball caps at a fitting of Marilyn Monroe’s birthday sex dress for the Met Gala.

Here’s a transcript of the stunning exchange:

KIM: Take the double hat off.

PETE: My double hat? I don’t know where to put my hat.

KIM: She’ll hold it [motioning to a Floridian rando] Just in case because if it works and we want to use this somewhere…

PETE: For what?

KIM: Just if I want to post any behind-the-scenes–

PETE: Oh, you don’t want me to have a double hat?

KIM: Choose one.

PETE: It’s cool.

KIM: I’m just looking out for you.

DIFFERENT FLORIDIAN RANDO: Pete, you want me to take it?

PETE: Thank you man. This hat caused a lot of trouble.

I want his hat to stay on! And according to Page Six, I am legion with the same type of freaks of nature who are making TikToks about the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial. They think that Kim is being a controlling banshee to her boyfriend, who just wants to let his Pete flag fly. Some of the commenters read my mind:

Girls suck, hats rock. Simple as that. But of course Kim doesn’t get it. It’s a Pete thing.