Never Get So Famous They Make You Bleach Your Brows

Kim Kardashian's bottle-blonded brows on the September Interview cover are the latest victims in a spate of it girl acid attacks. To say nothing of her career as a person with a butt (pictured below), Kardashian is a mother, a law student in the style of Abraham Lincoln, and an entrepreneur: she doesn’t have time for this shit.

They can’t do this to her again, not after she was made to bleach her eyebrows for a SKIMS photoshoot last year.

I suppose there’s no fighting a foregone conclusion in the Lala Land Machine. Once a famous woman reaches a certain level of cultural relevance, even if she’s been famous for a long time, a stylist will have her bleach her brows for a magazine cover, gala, or photoshoot. It’s rarely permanent, but it signifies that the star’s team, or whatever media property or brand they happen to be working with that week, is lobbying for a certain edginess in their public persona.

Take a look at what they’ve done to some of Hollywood’s boldest, most promising brows in the last few years:

Julia Fox

Fox’s star-making moment with that dirty mound of snow last winter culminated with a bleached brow foisted upon her by cosmetics guru and celebrity makeup artist Pat McGrath.

Lizzo

A labor-intensive bleached brow is not an intuitive decision for a bad bitch of the non-committal variety. Way too much maintenance. Oh, that breaks my heart! (Sing it like Lizzo.)

Kendall Jenner

Kimmy’s baby sis is made to bleach her brows more than any other model on the face of the earth. It’s not working. The most interesting thing about her is still that she’s friends with Hailey Bieber.

Gigi Hadid and Bella Hadid

Yolanda’s daughters have been through enough in their careers at the hands of their mother, whose misdeeds are myriad and grievous.

Rachel Sennott

The Bodies Bodies Bodies star was bleached to the high heavens on the cover of Polyester.

Amelia Hamlin

Lisa Rinna’s daughters, like Gigi and Bella before them, have been through enough in their careers at the hands of their mother, whose misdeeds are similarly myriad, grievous, and ongoing.

Maisie Williams

Maisie Williams has dedicated her entire career post-Game of Thrones to bleaching and maintaining this look. It’s a full-time job, and she is clearly developing burnout.

Kristen Stewart

The original punk rock prom queen found time and the necessary supplies to go blonde-browed from Chanel jail.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, “Bleach, please!”