Inside Justin Long’s Blue Crush

This bag of bones is off the market! On his podcast “Life is Short with Justin Long,” the titular Justin Long told guest Fortune Feimster that his mystery girlfriend – get this – loves pineapple on pizza, just like him. This totally random, counterintuitive, rarely discussed, totally wild topping choice, according to Page Six, can only mean one thing: his love is Hawaiian siren Kate Bosworth.

Justin Long, who must be charming?, has dated many Hollywood starlets including Amanda Seyfried, Kirsten Dunst, and Drew Barrymore.

Apparently Bosworth “raised eyebrows” with an Instagram about Long in May while the two alleged love birds were shooting a movie together, months before she was separated from her husband. In an Instagram photo carousel, Bosworth highlighted photos of Long lifting her up and posing with gnome street art.

She wrote:

THANK YOU for lifting us up... you kept it light & full of laughter daily, even through the toughest moments. You gnome how much I love ya 💛 (sorry had to ;)

This is some of the most creative Instagram captioning I’ve ever seen. Turning a functional parenthesis into a winky face emoticon to convey cheekiness? I would expect nothing less from one of our country’s finest wordsmiths. You might remember Kate Bosworth from her work as a surfer, but I remember her best from breaking up with her ex-husband with a free verse poem about whiskey on Instagram over the summer.

Split a burger with someone when you are falling in love, and you can die happily knowing this is your last meal. Buy a bottle of whiskey and share shots, pour me a waterfall. Play that perfect song on the jukebox and dance with someone you have known your whole life, though you met minutes ago.

Inherently we fear an ending. To lose what you have because you got what you wanted.

At the time, a commenter less appreciative of her talents than I am responded, “Lmaooo so you broke up. Don’t try to put sugar on shit and call it chocolate cake.” One can only hope Bosworth’s new relationship is met with a bit more generosity from her public.

We wish many beautiful months to these two unassembled tents.