Elderly Mother Gigi Hadid Too Tired to Keep Up With Young Stallion Leonardo DiCaprio

This is why he needs to date 23-year-olds

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 07: Gigi Hadid attends the 2022 CFDA Awards at Casa Cipriani on Novemb...
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Over the holiday, while you were sipping on cocoa by the fire, there was a development in the supposed love affair between Gigi Hadid and Leonardo DiCaprio. What was once thought of as merely a May-December romance between a young Hollywood bad boy and an aged crone now may more accurately be placed in the category of … elder abuse.

To refresh your memory, last week — after months of rumored shoulder touching and nights out with business partners — it seemed the calm waters of Leonardo DiCaprio and Gigi Hadid’s against-all-odds true love affair (she’s a 27-year-old model and he only dates models under 25) had suddenly become turbulent. The actor was seen out with a 23-year-old model named Victoria Lamas. Oh, god. Please, please … please don’t tell me the relationship that gave hope to so many women over the age of 25 wasn’t true!

Now we have more information. According to a Page Six source, Gigi and Leo “like each other very much,” phew, “but neither one wants anything serious right now.” Oh, heavens. The source added that “Gigi’s priority is her daughter.”

The source made it clear that Gigi, in her elderly condition, only has enough energy to run after one child. “Gigi doesn’t have the energy to run after DiCaprio,” they said. “His routine is too much for her.”

One can only imagine what that wild young man put our ancient mother through in the short but cruel time they spent together. It hurts one’s heart to conceive of it. But at least she’s escaped; we can rest easily with that knowledge. And we can only now pray DiCaprio doesn’t date above 25 again.

Oh, deary … come over here a little closer, so memaw Gigi can see you. Your ol’ memaw … you know, she may look decrepit, but she has a lot of wisdom to share. You sit on her frail lap right now and let her tell you all about why you should never date young stallion Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay? You listen to your memaw, okay?