Free Jojo Siwa

Siwanators with Retin-A prescriptions for adult acne, now is our time to assemble: we’re linking to Just Jared Jr. as a primary news source, and we’re using our impressive organizing power to liberate Jojo Siwa from the oppressive grasp of the corporate fat cats in the orange-carpeted corner offices at Nickelodeon HQ.

On Tuesday night, Siwa tweeted that Nickelodeon is prohibiting her from using six new songs from her Nickelodeon-produced Paramount + movie musical The J Team on her upcoming Nickelodeon’s JoJo Siwa D.R.E.A.M. The Tour coming in January.

I’ve long been a Jojo stan — the woman’s got style! (I also read a blind item in 2019 speculating that she’s a chain smoker.) More importantly, I’ve long been a proponent of the radical leftist position that children, even attractive ones, should not have jobs. Jojo, now eighteen, has been a major cash cow for Nickelodeon since she was a little kid. As of March 2020, she sold over 80 million bows (ranging in price from $4 to $16) under the Nickelodeon umbrella, among dozens of other products. And now they have the nerve to tell her what original songs she can and cannot sing?

We freed Britney (we were all complicit, but then we were heroes), and now it’s time to let Jojo sing her six new songs from her movie musical every night to her adoring fans. What can we, as disciples of the anti-bullying and anti-greed Ted Talk Jojo gave as a ten-year-old, do to help? At this point, grass roots action isn’t enough.

I’m calling on the daughter of prominent civil rights attorney Kim Kardashian — certified Jojo freak North West — to do something NOW.