I Have Succumbed to Andrew Garfield’s Drama With His Model Ex

I am human. I am weak. I have clicked on the headlines about the supposedly messy breakup between Andrew Garfield and the model he briefly dated, and I have taken the corpse of this knowledge to drop on your doorstep, like a cat with her unfortunate prey. Yes, it is your problem now. You deal with this.

THE BREAKUP

Word of Andrew Garfield’s breakup with Sports Illustrated model Alyssa Miller came last week, from British tabloid The Sun. Although they’d been dating since autumn, the rag noted that Miller had been oddly absent from Garfield’s arm in the past few weeks; she appeared with Garfield at the SAG awards in February, for example, but not at the Oscars in March.

“Andrew and Alyssa were a really beautiful couple and things were going great at first,” a source said. “They were together for quite some time before they went public, but work schedules mean it has been really hard to see each other. On top of that it became clear that there were some differences between them and it was decided they are better off apart, for now at least.”

What were the differences, for now at least, between Andrew Garfield and Sports Illustrated model Alyssa Miller? The Sun’s secret source does not get into it, sadly. We are left only to wonder. Maybe Alyssa Miller was gluten-free, and Andrew Garfield couldn’t handle it. Maybe Andrew Garfield is always singing, which could grate on anyone.

“It was disappointing for Andrew,” said the source, “because he’d have loved to have shared the excitement of the awards season with someone he loved, but it just wasn’t supposed to be.” And of course we are very sad for him. “He is keeping his chin up and taking some time for himself after a hectic few months.” Whew.

Seems like a regular break up between an actor and a model he was tired of having sex with and then having to be around, yes? Well, you just wait for the next part.

THE INSTAGRAM

“If you must gossip at least use a cute photo,” Alyssa Miller wrote in an Instagram post that, it seems, is not embeddable, featuring what she presumably considers a cute photo. “Lol love you AG 🦋”

The message was covered by tabloids as a sign that Andrew Garfield and Alyssa Miller’s relationship might not be as over as we were led to believe. “Andrew Garfield’s girlfriend, Alyssa Miller, shuts down breakup reports,” said Page Six. “Andrew Garfield’s Girlfriend Alyssa Miller Addresses Breakup Rumors as ‘Gossip’: ‘Love You AG,’” said People.

Could they still be together after all? Might they still be “doing it”?

THE COMMENTARY FROM FRIENDS VIA A SOURCE

According to a source familiar with Andrew Garfield’s friends, they are not still doing it. The Page Six source said the pair “ended the relationship amicably” a few weeks ago, adding that Andrew Garfield’s friends were “weirded out” by Alyssa Miller’s Instagram post.

“If she wanted to clear the air, why did she make the post so vague?” the source said. “From the outside looking in, it seems as though she was denying they split, but they definitely did. It’s very confusing why she would do that.”

THE DENIAL

An E! source who is “close to the situation” echoed the idea that they’d ended their relationship some time ago, adding that "things remain amicable."

A Page Six source close to Alyssa Miller clarified that the model posted the Instagram primarily as a goof. “In no way was she pretending they were still dating,” the source said. “It was a very amicable breakup. She was just tired of them using old photos and also wanted to show that they ended on good terms.”

The post was meant to be “light-hearted,” the source said, adding once again that the pair was “still amicable.”

Why, this seems to be the most amicable breakup in the history of models and actors.

THE TAKEAWAY

None. This is useless information. We have learned and gained nothing.

Lol love you AG 🦋