5 Ways to Honor the Memory of Princess Di Today

Some respectful suggestions

WINDSOR, UNITED KINGDOM - MAY 02:  Diana, Princess Of Wales At Guards Polo Club.  The Princess Is Ca...
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the oligarchy

Today is the twenty-fourth anniversary of Diana Princess of Wales’s tragic passing. For two and a half decades now, Princess Di’s fans have been botching their tributes to England’s Rose: Chesterfield’s 2017 papier-mâché tribute to Diana looked a bit like present-day Liza Minelli; the disastrous Naomi Watts-starring Diana biopic received a 7% on Rotten Tomatoes; and ASOS’s Princess Diana collection attempted to recreate her iconic style with a fast-fashion budget. It failed. How gauche.

Instead of spending money on a Rowing Blazers Diana sheep sweater, here are some suggestions for honoring the People’s Princess at home, in private, like a person of good British inbreeding:

Dump your boyfriend.

Charles Prince of Wales is a total zero and he’ll never be king, something he has in common with your boyfriend. You can do better anyway!

Rim your inner eyes with baby blue.

The most expensive electric aqua eyeliner retailing online at Sephora is Givenchy’s Phenom’Eyes liner in 06 Bold Blue, which is a paraben-free long-wearing liquid eyeliner with a “vinyl finish.” It has pretty bad reviews, such as this one titled “no!!!”” Apparently, it draws “like chalk” on the eyelids, but it is $40, and Diana loved the finer things.

Sprinkle Britishisms into your daily speech.

Incorporating phrases like “blimey” and “wot’s all this then” into your vocabulary can add a certain solemnity to anything from your Dunkin’ order to difficult conversations with those close to you (see #1). Forsooth!

Do a little shorts with a big shirt.

Di pioneered the reigning “fun with proportions” aesthetic of Summer 2021. One of the most expensive pairs of bike shorts I can find is this $950 pair of Balmain high-rise wool tighty tighties, which I know you’d look amazing in. Were these suggestions supposed to be about local, non-capitalist ways to commemorate Di? I don’t remember. I’m but a serf to the lords of the invisible hand, which brings me to our next activity.

Destroy a crumbling institution of your choosing.

I don’t have access to the monarchy or even to Meghan Markle, but I have a few tricks up my Virgin Atlantic sweatshirt sleeve. My personal arsenal of access to institutional power consists of twenty-eight hour a week access to my boss Bryan Goldberg’s work email address and an MFA in fiction writing from an accredited American university. Also, I own politics.substack.com as a joke, and once Walter Cronkite’s grandson picked me up from a bar in college and drove me the half mile back to my dorm because my roommate knew him. You have more power and influence than you think. Be creative. Be a black sheep.