Egg Defeats Biden

Someone get the president a NYT Cooking subscription

Diptych: Joe Biden and fried egg.
L: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images. R: stavklem/Shutterstock.
Egg on His Face

Joe Biden is capable of some things: making car go vroom, physically touching women in a way that is too familiar if not downright uncomfortable, breaking wind in front of royalty, etc. But one thing he cannot do, apparently, is cook a single egg.

The president shared this damning information on a recent Tonight Show tele-appearance, telling Jimmy Fallon that he and the first lady Jill Biden have asked the White House staff not to serve them breakfast because they “aren’t used to people waiting on” them. “We can make our own eggs or pour a bowl of cereal,” said Biden.

But, when pressed for further clarification on the veracity of his egg-cooking claim, Biden immediately flip-flopped, admitting that he could not, in fact, cook an egg, but has to rely on Jill to do so. The extent of his abilities, he said, is boiling water to make spaghetti, presumably to pair with the jarred tomato sauce he feeds to his wife in lieu of a more elaborate home-cooked dinner.

Some might find this anecdote funny or charming or relatable. But the emotion I choose to assign to it for the purpose of this blog post is disgust. You’re telling me that you, a man, never in all your 79 years of life had to learn how to cook one (1) egg? Women’s sites taught me that that is called weaponized incompetence, and it is a form of “passive-aggressive” “gaslighting” that’s “trending on TikTok.” Jill, sweetie, you don’t have to accept this. If your man has enough time to pull a horrific practical yolk on the nation and prioritize restarting student loan payments despite the loud booing coming from every corner, he has enough time to learn how to cook an egg.