Obama Celebrates Sending Drone Leaker To Jail With Superspreader Bash

Barack Obama will be celebrating in style this weekend by throwing a 675-person party at his $12 million 30-acre oceanfront estate in Martha’s Vineyard. Nobody needs a reason to get trashed on the beach, but one might be that Daniel Hale, the whistleblower who revealed how Barack’s administration gamified mass civilian murder in Afghanistan, Yemen, and Somalia in an aggressively sloppy drone operation, was sentenced to almost four years in prison last week. It’s also Obama’s 60th birthday. George Clooney and Oprah will be there.

Almost a third of the invite list are on the renegade podcaster’s payroll –– the New York Post reported that the former president will have some 200 staff on hand, not including Daniel Hale, who is about to spend 45 months in federal custody. The dress code will be chill, Vineyard-y, and probably should involve masks, as the conference-sized throwdown will take place in the midst of a surge in COVID-19 cases related to the Delta variant, which the CDC recently described as equally “contagious as chicken pox.” That quote came from a leaked internal document, so best of luck to whichever CDC mensch let that one out.

Other attendees include Steven Spielberg, Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam’s hairdresser, and a “COVID coordinator,” apparently. “It’s going to be big,” one source told the Hill about the shindig –– so big you might even call it “super.”

No one will be bringing gifts, according to Axios. Guests have instead been asked to ​​”consider giving to programs that work to support boys and young men of color and their families here at home in the United States, empower adolescent girls around the world, and equip the next generation of emerging community leaders." Rumor has it, Obama’s on the registry here.