In Resignation, Cuomo Explains His Only Crime... Was Sexual Harassment

He just loves those big apples

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 15: New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo speaks during a press conference at One World Tra...
David Dee Delgado/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Part of being New York tough is being New York smart, which is why Andrew Cuomo gave a press conference at 11:45 a.m. EST to tell his constituents that it was “in their best interest for [him] to continue serving as governor,” only to slide into a resignation so lightly and suddenly it could have been his own hand grazing a state trooper’s stomach, something that he was accused of but doesn’t remember doing.

First, the facts, which the governor always puts before his opinions. “Let’s start New York tough with the truth,” he said, before explaining that a report released last week from the New York Attorney General’s office had concluded he sexually harassed 11 women. Sure, most of the stuff in that report was true, but that’s not what this is about: “Being New York Smart tells us that this moment is not about the facts, it's not about the truth,” Cuomo said, “It’s not about how we make the system better.”

What it is about, Cuomo said, is politics, and politically speaking he really should still be governor:

I’m a New Yorker born and bred. I am a fighter. And my instinct is to fight through this controversy. Because I truly believe that it is politically motivated...But when I took my oath as governor, things changed. I became a fighter for you. It is in your best interest that I continue to serve.

The main reason he should still be governor is because it is way too expensive and complicated for him to resign: “Time and money that the government should spend managing COVID…the Delta variant....fighting gun violence and saving New York City… all that time would be wasted.” This is, per Cuomo, “one of the most challenging times in a generation,” a time where “the government needs to perform. It is a matter of life and death.”

Unfortunately for New York tough people, they will have to find someone else to oversee the deaths of 172,000 residents and employees of long-term care facilities. Because sike, Cuomo’s quitting. He will be replaced in two weeks by his lieutenant, Kathy Hochul, whom we hope will fix the subway but probably not.