Reviewing NYC Mayor Eric Adams’s First 3 Days in Office

Each activity is rated on a scale of one to 10 big apples

NEW YORK, USA - JANUARY 02: New Mayor of New York City, Eric Adams used Citi Bike from Gracie Mansio...
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Empire State of Mind

Eric Adams, the new mayor of New Yawk City, has had a whirlwind first few days in office, packing some of the most New York things possible into 72 hours. Will the alleged New Jersey resident be able to keep “New York” New York? We’ve rated each activity on a scale of one to 10 big apples.

Sworn in on a stage surrounded by Planet Fitness paraphernalia in Times Square minutes after the New Year’s Eve ball drop

Adams canceled his planned inauguration ceremony at the Kings Theatre in Brooklyn due to COVID-19 concerns. At one point, he said that he didn’t need an inauguration, he only required “a mattress and a floor to execute being the mayor of the city of New York,” which apparently turned out to just be his comedy shtick.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Took public transportation to work

In a pointed departure from his predecessor, the city’s 110th mayor hit the subway and CitiBike to get to work over the weekend. He appeared very chipper about it, which is not how most people in New York approach taking the subway (heads down, no engagement) or biking (constant vigilance to swerve around cars illegally parked in the bike lane) in the city, but then again, this is a high-energy guy.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Witnessed and reported a crime that was not properly investigated by the police

While waiting on the platform of the J train stop at Kosciuszko Street in Brooklyn, Adams saw a fight taking place below on the street. He phoned 911 to report the assault, not mentioning his identity until the end of the call, when he revealed dramatically that he was “Adams, Mayor Adams.” Police officers reportedly arrived after five minutes and left without questioning anyone. Classic!

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Made a bunch of promises about policing that I’m sure he will follow to the letter

Speaking of police, it was a law-enforcement heavy weekend for the former transit cop. Beyond his impromptu encounter with brothers in blue, Adams made stops to see an NYPD officer who was grazed by a bullet, the police precinct where Adams had been beaten as a teenager, and a Harlem roundtable about gun violence and public safety. He vowed to crack down on shootings while also teaching the NYPD “how to properly police our city” and “not allowing abusive officers to remain among our ranks.” That said, he also promised to bring back plainclothes officer units in a return to “unpredictable” aspects of policing. This should turn out great.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Made up a stupid slogan

The theme of Adams’s first 100 days is “Get Stuff Done,” shortened to “GSD,” which, if he had bothered to consult any dog enthusiasts like myself, he would know is an acronym that commonly stands for “German Shepherd Dog.”

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Enjoyed the city’s one-of-a-kind culinary scene

New York is one of the world’s dining capitals, a reputation that fastidious eater Adams chose to honor with nourishment from local gems Sweetgreen, Joe and the Juice, Dig Inn, and Just Salad.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎

Stood in front of a mountain of salt

Okay, but where’s the snowstorm he promised?

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Ingratiated himself with bodega lovers everywhere by quoting the founder of Snapple

On Saturday, in his first speech as mayor, Adams cited the “great owner of Snapple soft drinks,” stating that New York is “going to win because we’re made up of the best stuff on Earth.” Win the loud-and-proud bodega crowd, win them all.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Drew the ire of anti-vaxxers

Adams had a strong message for unvaccinated people: “stop it.”

He also signed two executive orders to maintain the city’s vaccine and mask mandates, which apparently angered anti-vaxxers so much that they showed up at his extremely authentic Bed-Stuy apartment to protest on Sunday night.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Vowed to reopen schools despite parents and teachers begging him not to

“The safest place for our children is in a school building,” said Adams, upholding his predecessor’s plan for schools despite the current surge of the Omicron variant of COVID and the lack of mandated vaccines for children or booster shots for educators. At least the mayor was able to offer a meditation session with students to assuage fears everywhere.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Threatened New Yorkers with a good time

“When a mayor has swagger, the city has swagger. We’ve allowed people to beat us down so much that all we did was wallow in COVID,” Adams said on Monday, exemplifying the combination of entertainment value and delusion that goes into being a mayor of New York. “This is a city of swagger.” And… scene.

Rating: 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎