Eric Adams Continues Workshopping Signature Mattress Joke

Him in response to anything: “All I need is a mattress and a floor.”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 16: New York City Mayor-Elect Eric Adams speaks onstage at the 25th An...
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Open Mic Night

As a blogger who is professionally required to possess some semblance of a sense of humor, I can spot the moment when someone realizes they have a new comedic schtick, and I can now decisively report that New York mayor-elect Eric Adams has found his in… mattresses.

Recall, if you will, just a week ago when he said that he doesn’t need much to move into his future home of Gracie Mansion, humble-bragging in an interview with PIX 11: “I’m so simple. All I need is a mattress on the floor and that’s a wrap. It doesn’t take much for me.” This was not only a possible dig at previous mayors, who did choose to renovate the mansion, but also probably a reference to the time when Adams — as Brooklyn Borough President — slept on a mattress on the floor of his Borough Hall office for months early on in the pandemic and during his mayoral campaign.

Well, he pulled the mattress card again this week. On Monday, hinting that he could go without an inauguration ceremony, he said, “All I need is to move my mattress to Gracie Mansion.” On Tuesday, announcing that he was canceling inauguration plans due to COVID-19, he repeated, “I don’t need an inauguration, all I need is a mattress and a floor to execute being the mayor of the city of New York.” It’s settled, this is officially going to become his new Thing after the novelty of his being a formerly Republican, possibly poly, vegan cop apparently wore off.

I assume we can expect to see more mattress remarks in the foreseeable future. Here are some possibilities, should Adams choose to work any of these into his tight five:

On bringing back solitary confinement to Rikers: “Humane prison conditions? All I need is a mattress and a floor.”

On showing off his dance moves at Fresco by Scotto: “Just give me a floor — and a mattress, while you’re at it — and I’ll show you how to tear it up.”

On transforming New York into the center of cryptocurrency: “Hell, just stick me on a mattress on the floor in a bitcoin-mining basement and I’ll sleep like a baby and wake up one prosperous man.”