Countdown to Me Going Fucking Nuts Buying Maple Cookies in Canada

Mark your calendars, fellow maplesluts and denizens of the northernmost states: starting on August 9, fully vaccinated U.S. citizens and permanent residents can cross the border into Canada without having to quarantine. The only requirements are a negative COVID test from within the past 72 hours and proof of full dosage of a Canadian-authorized vaccination — including Moderna, Pfizer, AstraZeneca, and Johnson & Johnson — from at least 14 days prior.

It’s been more than a year since Americans have been able to go to Canada for nonessential travel. For me, personally, it’s been about three years since I’ve visited our neighbor to the north, which is actually a pretty long time for someone who grew up in Michigan and also appreciates the drama of a 10-month winter. And I’m ready to let loose. As soon as my foot touches Canadian soil, I’m going to go hog fucking wild. I’m talking maple cream cookies, bagged milk, the Gothic Revival-style mansion and museum Casa Loma in midtown Toronto, pronouncing “sorry” like “soar-y,” and purposely injuring myself so I can take advantage of all the free healthcare. It’s going to be absolutely mad. So Canada, you better watch out, because my fully vaccinated and masked-up ass is coming for you.