More Like Thank$$$giving

A combination of supply chain issues, labor shortages, shitty weather, and more have all formed the perfect storm to make it harder than ever to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. According to the New York Times, nearly every aspect of your Thanksgiving dinner is going to be more expensive come November. Sweet potatoes, vanilla extract, aluminum roasting pans, and even turkeys themselves will be pricier than they ever have been before.

But all is not lost. There are still lots of ways to celebrate Thanksgiving other than overcooking a bird that was never going to taste good in the first place. Here are some ideas:

• Convince your loved ones that it would be a really good bonding experience to take mushrooms together. No one will be hungry and you’ll really sort out a lot of deep-rooted trauma.
• Take your annual argument with your Republican cousin to a new venue. A restaurant has all the perks of the standard Thanksgiving meal but with none of the dishes and the added bonus of feeling bad for the waiters whose families you are keeping them from.
• Force your family to do a land acknowledgment ceremony. It will remind them that Thanksgiving is kind of a fucked up holiday, and no one will really want to eat afterwards. Problem solved.
• Tell your mom that you will handle making dinner this year, because she deserves it. Instead of shelling out boatloads of cash for a turkey with all the fixings, just make a ton of buttered noodles. People will be mad at first, but once they realize how much money you’ve saved them they will forgive.
• Order a pizza!