Uplifting, Inspirational, Heartwarming: Brett Kavanaugh Has COVID-19

Finally some good news from SCOTUS

WASHINGTON, DC - SEPTEMBER 05: Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh appears during a confirmation ...
The Washington Post/The Washington Post/Getty Images
Happy October

Hey there. It’s been a week, am I right? Work has been so draining, this or that bad thing happened in the news, maybe you lost your wallet or got dripped on by a window A/C unit outside. You could use something good in your life now. Does that sound nice? Are you ready to get cheered up? Here goes:

Justice Brett Kavanaugh has tested positive for COVID-19.

Ooh. Feel that tingle? I saw that smile, you rascal! I know we’re not supposed to rejoice at anyone getting COVID, no matter if they’re anti-vaxxers or sex pests or Donald Trump-nominated Supreme Court justices who vote to allow Texas to effectively ban abortion — but come on, I think we should be allowed some mean-spirited happiness from time to time, as a treat.

Well, maybe there are some more sprinkles of joy to be mined from this news about Kavanaugh. Let’s take a closer look at this SCOTUS press release from today, which has been helpfully tweeted by The Economist’s Steven Mazie:

“On Thursday evening, Justice Kavanaugh was informed that he had tested positive for Covid-19.” Good, good.

“He has no symptoms and has been fully vaccinated since January.” Ugh okay. I mean, I’m glad he’s not anti-vax, I guess. Or am I? It’s a complicated feeling. But one thing’s for sure: I cannot derive the same pleasure from this that I felt when Trump tested positive for COVID last October after repeatedly refusing to wear a face mask in public and almost single-handedly turning masks into a politicized, partisan issue. Remember when he had to be hospitalized? Remember when the White House released a video in which Trump — while sounding breathless and wearing two pounds of makeup — insisted he was doing okay after taking experimental drugs and called COVID “a blessing from God”? God, that was good.

“As a precaution, Justice and Mrs. Kavanaugh will not attend Justice [Amy Coney] Barrett’s investiture this morning.” Well, fine. You could still put a positive spin on this, I think. Maybe Barrett will be devastated that her fellow conservative justice is missing her big ceremony. One can only hope.

Overall, kind of a rollercoaster of emotions. It seems that Kavanaugh will probably recover okay. Will his brush with the evil virus maybe make him a little less evil, a little more humble? Probably not. But we’re going to send some horse paste to his house just in case.