Things You Can Blame on the Broken Supply Chain

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, there are supply chain issues. There are myriad reasons why: the pandemic, labor shortages, energy woes, a lack of shipping containers, port congestion, weather disasters, rising costs of materials, a scarcity of goods used to make other goods, and so on and so forth.

But while supply chain problems may spell catastrophe — or at least inconvenience — in many sectors, including holiday retail, we here at Gawker prefer to look on the bright side. When one door closes (because it belongs to a store that has closed since nothing is in stock and also all the staff quit because the owner is an exploitative piece of shit), another opens. Put another way, you can spin this unfortunate global supply chain thing into a convenient scapegoat for basically any courtesy or responsibility you’re looking to shirk in your life. Here are just a few to get you started:

Gift giving: “Sorry I didn’t bring Christmas presents for anyone! I definitely ordered them months ago, but they probably won’t get here until next holiday season. Thanks, supply chain!”

Work performance: “Man, supply chain issues are really kicking my ass. I’m experiencing so much emotional distress. That’s why I’ve been late to work two weeks in a row and haven’t turned in that competitive analysis you needed in August.”

Communication: “I don’t think I ever got those 15 texts you say you sent me…? My phone is such a piece of crap, I would get a new one but these phone companies just can’t get chips anywhere.”

Literacy: “Hi Chunky Monkey ❤️ I would so buy your new book, but everything’s on backorder. Damn you, global supply chain! Looks like I won’t be able to read or blurb anything for the rest of the year.”

Helping out: “Just FYI I can’t give you a ride to work anymore. I’m trying to cut back on unnecessary wear and tear because god knows when I’ll be able to get a new car, with the way this semiconductor shortage has the auto industry in a chokehold.”

Parenting: “Hey sweetie, Daddy can’t get you that doll you wanted. It’s stuck in a warehouse somewhere due to bottlenecks in a complex system that has many intricate, moving parts that all affect each other, so when just one stops working, the entire symphony comes crashing down. How about you run outside and touch grass?”

All-purpose: “Oh, sorry, I can’t. You know, because of the supply chain issues.”