Drunk Australian Olympians Maintain Reputation of Drunk Australians More Generally

Did they medal? No. Were they respectful on the flight home? Also no.

RIFU, MIYAGI, JAPAN - JULY 28: Players of Team Australia pose for a team photograph prior to the Men...
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Losing in the Olympics seems devastating. You spend your whole life working up to it and then in a split second it’s all over and you have nothing to show for it. The least you can do is have a drink on the plane home. Or, if you are the Australian soccer and rugby teams, you can have more than one drink, disturb an entire plane full of people, and stain the toilet because you’re puking so much.

Oi, oi, oi, indeed. Football Australia and Rugby Australia have both launched investigations to figure out what happened on the ten-hour flight from Tokyo to Sydney last Thursday. This seems like it might be a waste of time, as I bet I can tell you what happened right now.

A bunch of drongos slammed a middy or two before hopping on the plane, got proper pissed, kept drinking on board and turned the whole flight into a shivoo. (If that doesn’t make sense to you, I suggest reading it in an Australian accent.)

Other travelers who were simply trying to enjoy their flight home told News Corp that the athletes were “loud, singing, refusing to sit down when requested, rowdy and obnoxious.” Another passenger noted that the men weren’t wearing masks because, “they were drinking all the time.” So the boys wanted to enjoy a bevvy or ten on their flight home, possibly spreading COVID to everyone else on the plane, we’ve all made mistakes. They just wanted to blow off some steam, it’s not like they were also menaces at the actual games as well.

Just kidding. Not only did these mates cause a scene on the flight home, but they brought that famous Australian revelry to the Olympic village as well. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, the men’s rugby and rowing teams left a hole in the wall of one of their rooms, as well as vomit on the floor for the custodial staff to clean up.

The moral of the story is that you cannot invite a group of Australian men out anywhere. They will probably throw up, and they won’t even have a gold medal to make up for it.