Are You “Gospel and Grits” or “Jewish”?

According to your internet service provider, that is

Close up image of woman hands typing on laptop computer keyboard and surfing the internet on office ...
Tag Yourself

Your internet service provider knows if you’re gay, and they’re telling everyone. According to a new report from the Federal Trade Commission, ISPs are collecting and selling boatloads of personal information in order to better target ads to consumers. The report showed that in addition to selling data, ISPs sort users into some uh, hyper-specific categories based on their browsing history, for the sake of advertisers.

The report states that ISPs “buy demographic and interest information from data brokers and then combine this information with additional information about ISP subscribers to place these subscribers into segments. These segments often reveal sensitive information about consumers.” Some of these segments include “viewership-gay,” “Hispanic Harmony,” and, simply, “Jewish.”

In a very “tag yourself” page of the report, there is an “illustrative list of segments.” Here are some of the ways that your ISP sees you, in alphabetical order:

  • Aspirational Fusion
  • Birkenstocks and Beemers
  • Bohemian Groove
  • Booming with Confidence
  • Cul de Sac Diversity
  • Family Fun-tastic
  • Footloose and Family Free
  • Generational Soup
  • Gospel and Grits
  • Metro Fusion
  • Small Town Shallow Pockets
  • Striving Single Scene
  • Urban Edge
  • Young City Solos

I like to believe that I’m a Footloose and Family Free sun with a Booming with Confidence Moon and an Aspirational Fusion rising, but worry that I’m actually just Generational Soup (even though I famously think it sucks).