There isn’t much time to smile over here at “girl Gawker plus one man” HQ. We work 80 hour weeks, typing into the early morning as Leah Finnegan, the “Sleigh Driver” we call her, stands above us screaming “mush.” When we’re lucky, she lets us have water. But between breaking ground on pressing concerns, we find time to enjoy the small things, meaning specifically the little words that show up near the headlines. For reference:
Those are called “brows.” You can find one on this post, under the headline and right of the byline. It says “Eugene Levy.” They might not seem like much to brag about and that would be accurate. Brows serve no clear purpose; they advance society in only an indirect capacity. They mostly underscore the limit of our sole shared brain cell. But it is the website’s birthday, and Leah made us scroll back through our easily navigable website to revisit some of the dumbest.
***
The Last Days of Ellen: Ellen Loves Javier Bardem
The Power of JoJo’s Mojo: Kylie’s Back!
Ezra Miller Stinks Allegedly
Vintage Gossip: Philip Larkin Had a Huge D
Talk Hole: Children of Folx
What Is Adele’s Last Name?
10 Essential Gifts for Dads
The Best Celebrity Comments on Joe Rogan’s N-Word Apology Video
Maureen Dowd Should Win the Nobel Prize in Literature
Known Cat Becomes Mayor of Hell
Some Ideas for Facebook’s New Name
Let Me Audit Taylor Swift’s NYU Course
Dua INNOCENT!!!!
Devastating: Chris Pratt Will Not Say “It’s-A Me Mario” in New Mario Film
Jeff Bezos’ Dick Too Small for Space
Chris Noth Denies Sexual Assault Allegations in Garbled Statement
Do You Think It Was Really Mr. Big In That Lamp?
Ezra Miller Causing Big Stink in the DC Metaverse
Justin Trudeau Commits Fashion Don’t While Greeting Men Named Michael
Fun Idea: Get A Mini Trampoline
Top 5 Things I Liked About Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas’s Doomed Erotic Thriller
Kristen Stewart: Princess Diana Could Have Used Some “Homies”
Daniel Craig Says James Bond Role Is for White Boys Only
Steven Pinker: Rationality is “Da Bomb”
Scientists Find New Hole
Alleged Yoga Mat-Toting Murderess Spotted At NYC Airport
Jason Sudeikis Either Did or Did Not Breakup With Model Girlfriend Keeley Hazell
Things Kyrsten Sinema Has Ruined
NFT Party Report: I Met A Spy Dressed as The Riddler
Papa John Pivots to Media Criticism
Trash Can From Myrtle Beach Completes Journey to Ireland
Regular Food Review: Another Hotel Waffle
Who Took This: Media Twitter Banner Edition
Did Stassi Schroeder Buy Her Way to the ‘New York Times’ Bestseller List?
Battle of the Blocks: H&R Block Sues Block FKA Square
Assimilationist Gay Penguins Living Heteronormative Fantasy
The New York Daily News: What If Joe Rogan Is Black?
I Believe Dr. Umar
