Don’t Leave Your Husband Because of Vibes

One risk of writing an overly confessional personal essay that appears on the internet is the possibility of people on the internet reading it. Once a month or so, one such essay proves to be so embarrassing, so revealing, that its author becomes Twitter’s punching bag for approximately 24 hours. You pray it never happens to you, and there is an easy way to ensure that it doesn’t: Do not write about your most shameful Ls in the lifestyle section of the most widely read newspaper in your home country.

This brings us to Australian life coach Amanda Trenfield, who recently shared an excerpt from her upcoming memoir in the Sydney Morning Herald under the headline “Less than a month after I met my soulmate, I ended my 14-year marriage.” What is the title of her book? Well, it’s When a Soulmate Says No, so we’re already off to a bad start.

In the essay, Trenfield writes of meeting a man named Jason at a group dinner during a conference she was attending (with her husband, it should be noted) and quickly falling for him:

Over the course of the evening, my attraction to Jason developed. I soon became aware of his every breath and I unconsciously mirrored his pace. I caught myself, embarrassingly, looking at his chest through his slim-fitted white evening shirt. Yes, he had a fit, toned and attractive body, but was it his chest I was drawn to?

She took a sip of his wine when offered, after which he fed her a bite of his “decadent and oozy chocolate pudding,” and the two relocated to the hotel bar. “We looked into each other’s eyes – his dark and mysterious, mine big and brown – and clinked glasses,” Trenfield wrote, “The electricity between us was strong and raw. It travelled to my core. It was so intense I needed to break eye contact. He. We. The energy. It was electric.”

Already, I have the he-we-jeebies. This reads like a lesser fanfiction for a TV show that is constantly on the verge of being canceled. Another free tip from me to whomever needs it: If you’re going to write about something this embarrassing, get a good editor.

Trenfield ends the essay with this whopper of a reveal:

Less than a month after meeting Jason, having had no communication with him since our time in Margaret River, I ended my 14-year relationship with my husband.

As you know from the title of the book, he did not reciprocate these feelings. This is by no means a new tale — the same thing allegedly happened between Jonathan Safran Foer and Natalie Portman — and Trenfield probably would have ended up leaving her husband anyway if one night with a stranger was enough to do the trick. But not everything needs to be a book, especially if your main gig is working with “individuals, business partnerships and corporates to ensure appreciation and maximisation of individual skills and talents, creating a successful and happy workplace.” Stick to your business consulting strengths, queen.