Brian Kilmeade Loves To Reade

Brian Kilmeade, the lovably insidious Fox News anchor, loves to read. He’s read all sorts of books. He’s even written books about sports and 300-year-old guys who made other people work for them without pay. And now that Critical Race Theory, the daunting national scheme possibly about this regatta, has snared the country in its censorious clutches, he has a message for America: kids in school should read books, probably his books, but also Mein Kampf — something he did, apparently.

Here’s Kilmeade on Fox & Friends on June 28, mid-rant about Gen. Mark Milley’s controversial comments that soldiers should read:

I thought Gen. Milley totally missed the plot last week. He says, “Oh, I read Mao and I read Stalin.” That has nothing to do with it! We read Mein Kampf in school — no one thought we were Nazis. That was part of the curriculum. You find out about other things in other insurgencies. We get it. That has nothing to do with what Critical Race Theory is.

Brian didn’t specify where exactly he began his close reading of Hitler’s memoir and manifesto that laid the ideological ground work for the Holocaust, and sure, maybe he meant Knausgaard. But according to Google, Brian went to Massapequa High School, a public school for grades 10 to 12 in Massapequa, NY

Did they teach Mein Kampf there? The curriculum office for Massapequa Public Schools didn’t immediately return a call for comment, but it’s definitely a remarkable institution. The place seems to have churned out more than its share of high-profile names, possibly due to a rich curriculum of reading Mein Kampf. Here are some other notable alums:

• Joey Buttafuoco, Class of ‘74 — the mechanic who cheated on his wife with a high schooler named Amy Fisher and talked her into shooting his wife Mary Jo.
• Mary Jo Buttafuoco, Class of ‘74 — the woman who had the misfortune of being married to Joey, but has since recovered and now tours as a motivational speaker.
• Candy Darling — the trans actress and model dropped out of Massapequa in 1961 over rampant bullying, but went on to star in several Andy Warhol movies and become a muse for the Velvet Underground.
• Jessica Hahn, Class of ‘77 — the woman who accused televangelist Jim Bakker of rape in 1987 and then became a recurring guest on The Howard Stern Show.
• Albert DeMeo, Class of ‘83 — the son of Roy DeMeo, Gambino crime family crew member who killed so many people in a bar called the Gemini Lounge that his style of murdering —shooting someone with a silenced gun, wrapping their head in a towel, and stabbing their heart to minimize blood flow — got its own name: the Gemini Method. In 1982, his father was found shot in the trunk of his Cadillac; Al was then a junior at Massapequa.
• Jerry Seinfeld, Class of ‘72 — the brain behind Bee Movie.

If Massapequa doesn’t get back to us, maybe one of them might know.