Regular Food Review: Costco’s Double Chocolate Muffin

At some indeterminable point between my childhood and now, Costco’s double chocolate muffins changed. The muffins I remembered were a glossy dark brown — almost black — color, the interior soft and moist, every mouthful a powerful hit of chocolate flavor so rich that it cried out for a sip of mellowing milk. Each one was notoriously the size of a large fist and sold in packs of six that had to be purchased two at a time, albeit for a very reasonable price. That part is still the same, but all else has become unfamiliar, as I confirmed with a recent purchase of the muffins for the purpose of this review: the velvety sheen replaced by a flat matte, the shade now a dull walnut, the crumb shockingly dry, chocolate chunks few and far between, and the overall heft drastically and shamefully reduced. I compared the muffin to a specimen I had found online in a 2019 blog post on the website “Costcuisine.” My muffin looked like a mockery compared to that glorious visage; I choked down a third of it, lamenting what had once been.

Please, I begged Costco in a desperate query about the muffins, tell me what had changed? “Thank you for your inquiry,” replied a mouthpiece for the merchant. “Management has no comment at this time.” 1.5/5 stars.